In a shocking parallel to the number of normal (non-rancher) citizens that are deathly afraid of normal (non-rodeo) clowns, a recent study unearthed some uncomfortable truths about the rancher community in the Palouse - namely, that nothing is more frightening to them than the somewhat whimsical and amazingly fleet-footed 'rodeo clowns' that make up such a large portion of the fantasy life of young, future, wannabe ranchers during their fragile formative years. "Oh, I would much rather be caught stark naked in a stampede of boiling rattlesnakes than come face to face with a dern rodeo clown in the dead of night!" said Buster 'Bronco' Bodine, age 32, an area rancher who sports a mustache as large as a dadburn woodchuck! "Just the thought of those little guys with their beady little eyes and tiny little feet scurrying under my bed before hiding behind that large, colorful rodeo barrel I have in my room to set stuff on really gives me the shivers! Oh, and that high-pitched cackling! The very thought overwhelms me!" he shuddered. "Why in the heck do you think I don't drink fluids after 6:00 PM, for crying out loud? The last thing I ever want to happen is to have to get out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and have one of those horrid abominations grab hold of my 'Little Joe' pajamas as I scurry into the bathroom! Are you nuts! I would rather hold it until the end of time rather than expose myself to the worst nightmare ever created by man! And I ain't alone, neither! Everyone I know who has cattle has a healthy fear bordering on raving lunacy for those gnome-like monstrosities that look like cowboys but are in fact something much more sinister and macabre! Why do you think everyone at a rodeo has their eyes shut when the colorful little beasts come running out trying to distract the bull from goring some hapless, prone cowboy! We are praying that the bull, for once, finally succeeds in running down the horrid little nightmares with their brightly painted faces and their little, continually churning legs!! (Don't forget the brightly colored cowboy hats! Now that is just wrong!) Oh, why are bulls so slow and stupid?" he rambled insanely. "Those little clowns have the luck of the devil, that is all there is to it!" he concluded before ducking back under the covers for another restless night. (Yes, and his bedspread has a life-sized picture of Marshall Dillon of 'Gunsmoke' fame on it, too! And, come to think of it, his wife is indeed called 'Miss Kitty - although that may be a coincidence! It would have to be. One would hope. Wait.. Aren't his dogs named 'Festus' and 'Hoss'? Anyway, let's move on! Some things are better left unexplored! This stupid story is about rodeo clowns, for Pete's sake!)
Jun 4, 2010
Shock Study: 76% Of Area Ranchers Are Deathly Afraid Of Iconic Yet Culturally Bizarre 'Rodeo Clowns'
In a shocking parallel to the number of normal (non-rancher) citizens that are deathly afraid of normal (non-rodeo) clowns, a recent study unearthed some uncomfortable truths about the rancher community in the Palouse - namely, that nothing is more frightening to them than the somewhat whimsical and amazingly fleet-footed 'rodeo clowns' that make up such a large portion of the fantasy life of young, future, wannabe ranchers during their fragile formative years. "Oh, I would much rather be caught stark naked in a stampede of boiling rattlesnakes than come face to face with a dern rodeo clown in the dead of night!" said Buster 'Bronco' Bodine, age 32, an area rancher who sports a mustache as large as a dadburn woodchuck! "Just the thought of those little guys with their beady little eyes and tiny little feet scurrying under my bed before hiding behind that large, colorful rodeo barrel I have in my room to set stuff on really gives me the shivers! Oh, and that high-pitched cackling! The very thought overwhelms me!" he shuddered. "Why in the heck do you think I don't drink fluids after 6:00 PM, for crying out loud? The last thing I ever want to happen is to have to get out of bed to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and have one of those horrid abominations grab hold of my 'Little Joe' pajamas as I scurry into the bathroom! Are you nuts! I would rather hold it until the end of time rather than expose myself to the worst nightmare ever created by man! And I ain't alone, neither! Everyone I know who has cattle has a healthy fear bordering on raving lunacy for those gnome-like monstrosities that look like cowboys but are in fact something much more sinister and macabre! Why do you think everyone at a rodeo has their eyes shut when the colorful little beasts come running out trying to distract the bull from goring some hapless, prone cowboy! We are praying that the bull, for once, finally succeeds in running down the horrid little nightmares with their brightly painted faces and their little, continually churning legs!! (Don't forget the brightly colored cowboy hats! Now that is just wrong!) Oh, why are bulls so slow and stupid?" he rambled insanely. "Those little clowns have the luck of the devil, that is all there is to it!" he concluded before ducking back under the covers for another restless night. (Yes, and his bedspread has a life-sized picture of Marshall Dillon of 'Gunsmoke' fame on it, too! And, come to think of it, his wife is indeed called 'Miss Kitty - although that may be a coincidence! It would have to be. One would hope. Wait.. Aren't his dogs named 'Festus' and 'Hoss'? Anyway, let's move on! Some things are better left unexplored! This stupid story is about rodeo clowns, for Pete's sake!)
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