Shocking Development: Invasive Spokane-Based ‘Parrot Rescue Program’ Extends Tentacles Into Deepest, Darkest Adams County, WA!

In what was previously assumed to be the exclusive scourge of large metropolitan cities like Spokane, Moscow, London and Bombay (You know, that city over yonder someplace that ‘Dr. Bombay’, the warlock guy from the hit 1960’s TV show ‘Bewitched” came from!) – recent developments indicate to those forever on the lookout for such things that a Spokane-based over-achieving “Parrot Rescue” program that shamelessly and consistently saves one of God’s most spectacular creatures from situations of neglect and ill-treatment and places them with loving owners who will give them the honor, attention, respect, care and appreciation that they deserve – anyway, this rescue thing, whatever it is, is now branching out from the large cities that, sadly, should expect that sort of thing in this day and age and is invading the very heartland of America itself, concerned insiders report.

“Well, I have always loved birds, and when I heard of the problem with parrots being neglected and/or in situations where they cannot thrive I knew immediately that I wanted to do my part” said an unnamed Adams County resident who has obviously been “bewitched’ herself by those Spokane ‘big city ways’ and all that citified ‘do-goodery’. “Parrots are such special creatures and their need for a stimulating, safe, loving environment just seemed to fit perfectly with my lifestyle, so after some soul searching and thoughtful and earnest prayer I decided to give that wonderful Erika from Century West a call! Oh, she is just so sweet!” she beamed annoyingly. (Editorial Note: This mysterious Erika, the mastermind behind this whole parrot thing, is also known in the parrot ‘underworld’ as the “uber-goddess of efficiency” and seems to have quite a hankering for garlic flatbread or whatever - both characteristics of hers which run counter to true-blue, small town America, doggone it! What is wrong with plain white bread with some butter or whatever? At least those suspect traits are foreign to Lamont – so we at the Lamont Blog can’t really speak for rural Adams County, although we want to and undoubtably will!) “So anyway, I just called this sweet Erika up, and after she did the requisite investigation to make sure that one of the smartest animals on the planet would be a good fit for my family and vice-versa, the next thing I knew I had a wonderful bird who became a valued member of our household the moment he arrived!” she gushed, not realizing that she is completely under the spell of ‘one of them big city people’! “Oh, I just love my new feathered friend and look forward to many decades of companionship and love! That kooky bird is such a hoot!” she added while emphasizing that people should not enter into such a significant undertaking lightly but ever so thankful that there are people out there like Erika, even though she eats garlic, who look after those less fortunate among us, even if they do have brightly hued feathers and all and can imitate embarrassing things they hear on TV when the preacher is over for coffee or whatever!

When asked for comment, the ever-mysterious Erika, kingpin of the parrot underworld, (or should that be queenpin? Dang English language!), had no comment, or at least not one that we could understand, presumably because she had a generous hunk of decidedly aromatic garlic flatbread in her mouth at the time or whatever.