Area Rancher Claims To Keep Hearing Something "Over Yonder!"

In a strange, sordid tale of mystery and intrigue, an area rancher, Bubba Bodine, 46, swears to everyone who will listen that regardless of where or when he goes out on the ranch, he keeps hearing some strange, almost indescribable noise somewhere just beyond the auditory horizon, whatever that means. These strange and suspect noises, ranging from a gentle rustle to the quite alarming clang of some war drum from the very pits of hell itself, appear to be heard by Mr. Bodine alone, because on the few occasions that someone was actually bored or crazy enough to venture out on the Bodine ranch with him, in every instance they claim in sworn testimony that they never heard anything and that in fact they believe that rancher Bodine is now and always has been crazy as a loon and that any noises that he supposedly hears are the figment of his quite fertile although twisted imagination - or quite possibly they are the pathetic cries for help from a tortured soul just not suited for the 20th century, let alone the 21st.

"Well, I had to go out to the Bodine spread to see if some of my cows somehow 'mysteriously' ended up in their pens again, as seems to happen just about this time of year for some dern reason - and anyway, we were headed down towards Cow Patty Gulch when he just started jabbering "Did you hear that? Did you hear that?" said Festus Festoon, an area fellow rancher and the unfortunate neighbor of the sticky-fingered Bodine brood. "Sure, I had been hitting the sauce that day, but that don't usually affect my hearing none - but I'll be dadburned if I heard a thing! All I could hear was the gentle rustle of the breeze and 'Old Lady Snopes' screeching at her pitiable husband from their ranch 5-6 miles away! Nothing out of the ordinary, as they say. But Buster got all panicked-looking and began frantically jerking his head back and forth like he was trying to tune in on the so-called noise - without much success I should add. I mean, I felt bad for the man. Sure, if I had to live his largely meaningless life and tend that worthless bunch of cows he has, I guess I might be inclined to try to spice up my life with imaginary noises and romantic interludes with the Sirens of the Palouse and all of that, but I'll be durned if it didn't give me the creeps having to watch it and all. That whole thing was just kinda spooky, if you ask me" he said pensively.