Town Deploys Multifaceted Public Awareness Campaign Aimed At Improving Quality Of Life

The Town of Lamont, a town so small that it was necessary to combine town-sponsored public service messages in order to save precious tax dollars given that they are putting in a new library this year, is attempting to foster the all-important ‘human experience’ of living in the 2nd smallest town in the State while also vainly attempting to stomp out the unspeakable scourge as represented by some frightening, creepy, unnatural, ‘other-worldly’ canine abomination – known politely in some circles as the common “Pug”. This communication effort, consisting of a saturation campaign utilizing colorful (yet disturbing!) flyers (printed on recycled paper!) being taped to every telephone pole in town and left on the windshields of all the cars that will still move under their own power (Editorial Note: This is only about 22% of the total vehicles in the dern town, for crying out loud!! This stupid ad campaign should say “Hugs, not old rusty hulks that make your yard look like heck and make everyone think of a bad ‘redneck’ joke”! Come on, people! Focus!) Anyway, this ad campaign is expected to run until the town actually starts hugging one another and also refuses to buy dogs whose faces look like they ran into something as a puppy or the town leadership moves onto some other stupid boondoggle of an idea, or both, insiders report.

“Well, as I see it, the town has two main problems. Number 1 – we don’t like each other and hope everyone else catches a terminal disease, and number 2 – having weird looking dogs is unnatural and tends to depress people as they walk around the town and/or go get their mail or whatever!” said a town leader who has a normal looking dog of uncertain parentage, although it does have unconfirmed behavioral issues involving pant legs. “So, we just decided that promoting hugs, although unreasonable and farfetched in reality given our citizenry, was a step in the right direction and, of course, discouraging people from acquiring those so-called dogs, the pugs, is a good idea on too many levels to discuss here, believe me. So, the only question was how to communicate these very important concerns to a citizenry who is notoriously hard to reach. Sure, we could have advertised on the Jerry Springer show and would have captured 98.6% of the town (many in the audience!!), but with a budget of $10.00 this was deemed cost prohibitive. Then we considered an ad on Google, but no one in town uses the computer so that would have had a poor cost-to-target-market-reach ratio. So we just decided to print up about 25 flyers and have one of the teenagers walk around town and put them on any car that they think is still running. All we can do now is hope for the best, I guess. We certainly don’t expect some unholy ‘hug-a-thon’ like a hippie convention or nothing, but if we can keep the town from being overrun by a bunch of snub-nosed ankle-biters, we will, of course, declare it a huge success!” she concluded optimistically while pulling her dog back from some unsuspecting pant leg.