Apr 4, 2009

Local Woman Blames Popular Breakfast Cereal For Recent Psychotic Episode

After meeting at least 7 of the 9 criteria laid down by the American Psychological Association (APA) for a psychological meltdown requiring incarceration, a local resident, Mary Jo Bodine, brushed off the recent diagnosis of impending mental collapse and instead blamed a popular national breakfast cereal for her woes, late Tuesday. "Well, I have been a psychologist for 27 years and can spot madness from a mile away" said Dr. Justin Davies, an area psychologist. "Although many factors, such as genetic disposition, sudden life changes, substance abuse, etc, can contribute to such an acute breakdown, it stretches credulity to blame this blatant instability on a crunchy, delicious, totally satisfying breakfast treat that makes its own chocolate milk, for Pete's sake! That's just wrong! I eat the stuff 8-10 times a week for breakfast, lunch and dinner (to say nothing of the occasional 'midnight snack') and I am as fit as a fiddle - mentally at least" said the balding, near-sighted, mental health professional who could stand to lose a few pounds (about 40). "Now that I think of it, blaming inanimate objects for one's psychological woes is another sign of mental instability - so that bumps her APA score up to 8 out of 9. That places her firmly in the "totally nuts" category!" said Dr. Davies.

"Sure, I come from a long line of people who have required some level of psychological intervention - who would blame us being cooped up out here on the ranch listening to that constant mooing and having to deal with all of those smells day-in and day-out" said Mrs. Bodine. "But given this extensive, up close and personal exposure to mental illness over the years, I think I am qualified to tell the difference between rank madness and a lusty hankering for some delicious, chocolaty breakfast cereal! It's the Cocoa Puffs, I tell you. Like the ad says, I'm Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs!!! I'm Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs!!! It's not ME!!! It's the Cocoa Puffs!!!, she shouted while running down the street in a ball gown wearing a football helmet (the helmet didn't even match the gown - who but a crazy person would wear an orange helmet with maroon evening attire?) and occasionally peeking into mailboxes and shouting "I see you in there - You cannot hide from me - Come out and take your medicine - It tastes like chocolate but its medicine"!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA" she ranted insanely.

1 comment:

A Dark And Stormy Night said...

Meanwhile, Les Baxter's soundtrack from "The Pit and the Pendulum" plays ominously in the background.