Feb 25, 2011

Century West Engineering Voted Best Engineering Firm In The Whole Dadburn Galaxy For 5th Straight Year!

Century West Engineering, a national brain trust nestled in the Pacific Northwest but whose reach extends quite a bit further, was recognized once again for their technical excellence, innovative solution orientation, almost supernatural ability to remain on schedule and within budget as well as a quite excellent ability to work with entities and unusual life forms and cultures from other worlds, regardless of how annoying and/or quirky they can be. Century West, under the astute leadership of a certain Dennis Fuller, has multiple branch offices, namely in the Portland area and Spokane, is well known for bringing engineering excellence into even the most backward and primitive of settings and has a quite startling track record of providing almost unbelievable infrastructure improvements into inhospitable environments long deemed inaccessible or culturally prohibitive by civil engineering and construction experts on any number of planets.

“Well, I remember that time we had to put in those new roads on that planet in the Orion Cluster that had 8 times the gravity of earth! Wow, that was a memorable one! Of course, everyone at Century West knows how to use a scientific calculator, so our load and stress calculations were just a matter of conversion, so it was not really that hard” said an unnamed Century West engineer, who shuns the spotlight like they all seem to do for some reason. “Oh, but a really difficult one was when we got the assignment to go into Lamont, WA and pave over half the town!" he winced! "Talk about bizarre! Talk about a hostile, alien world! Yikes! I did not handle that assignment as lead engineer thank goodness, Bryan Hicks did, but just hearing stories as told by their mayor about the natives and their outrageously unreasonable demands and how the local life forms wanted to use the heavy equipment to do their daily chores was really disturbing and kept me up for many a night, let me tell you! Oh, that was pretty much a worst case scenario, but we managed to get it done on time and under budget! They never told us about towns like Lamont in engineering school, thank goodness. Just imagine the drop out rate! We would have all switched to an easy major like marketing or whatever! Come to think of it, finishing that assignment on time and on budget with one's sanity intact was pretty much a dadburned miracle and in fact went a long way to strengthen my faith in the Almighty Himself!” he said thankfully while gazing lovingly at the Heavens!

“Oh yeah, and I remember that time we were tasked with pumping boiling sulfur water to the surface for the inhabitants on that little planet in the Crab Nebula! Sheesh! The atmosphere was 79% ammonia and the average surface temperature was 216 C – but with a little bit of planning and the proper protective gear we managed to bring the inhabitants of that purple world the life-sustaining refreshment that they so sorely needed” he said proudly. “Oh, but I remember that time there was that little town in the Scablands, Lamont again, I think it was, oh, now that was a difficult one. Yes, very disturbing! They had just about the worst water imaginable and the town was about to be condemned, but as if having to work with the townfolk and that so-called mayor was not bad enough, yet it was -10 F too, and having all those citizens come tumbling out in their tattered bathrobes making insane, scatological demands – oh, it was simply horrid! Thankfully the expression “what does not kill us makes us stronger” is in fact true! Whew, I would not want to go thru that one again! Talk about a hostile world! Talk about cantankerous humanoids! Talk about a clash of cultures! Yikes!! (Hey, don't forget all that morning breath or that woman who came out every day in 'short-shorts!!)” he shuddered!

“Oh, and there was that time that we were tasked with developing and building a data repository on that distant planet that was completely covered in water. Somehow those alien entities had struck on the idea that all their records should be stored on a substance very similar to what we know on earth as crepe paper, so making sure no water ever got near the stuff was very challenging. Plus, the whole dern planet was chocked full of these shark-like things that could see in the dark and quite quickly developed a hankering for the taste of human flesh! Whoa, talk about an engineering balancing act! But that was nothing compared to that time the fine Whitman County Commissioners gave Lamont a quite staggeringly generous grant for $52,000 to build a new library! Oh, working with that unique life form was the worst of all! On that project we had to assist them in putting in water, septic and the building itself! Oh, that challenged the cumulative social, cultural, psychological, anthropological and engineering expertise of our entire organization! It was so bad that Dennis Fuller, a man who obviously has a big soft spot for the dysfunctional underdog, had to step in to take command! Talk about leading from the front! Talk about taking the hits for the team! Talk about carrying the lumber and bearing the load! Oh, that Dennis is the best boss ever! He is never one to pass off the difficult, seemingly hopeless assignments to his quite capable staff, that is for sure!” he said frankly without even a hint of brown-nosing.

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