Apr 16, 2011

Area Man Thinks ‘Feng Shui’ Is Name Of That Crazy Dictator Guy Who Runs ‘One Of Them Dern Korean Countries’ Over Yonder

In yet another chilling tombstone in the vast learning graveyard that is the modern American education system, (at least in these parts, anyway) an area man, Skeeter ‘Punch Bowl’ Bodine, 44, an area farmer/rancher, also known by some in the local area as some sort of ‘smarty pants’ and/or a ‘dadburn bookworm’ because he currently serves with distinction on an area church board and often reads the whole church bulletin front to back (when he ain't leafing thru some hunting or survivalist magazine!), threw caution to the wind and began delving into the relatively deep waters of international politics when he quite brazenly declared “Who the heck do you think you are, Mister Feng Shui, that dern dictator feller of ‘East Korea’ or something?” when nicely asked by a humble, unassuming town official to clean up some of the 30-odd junk cars in his yard and to keep his dogs, (a sad-looking bunch that appears to have some coyote or badger of something unnatural in their bloodline) under control so that they do not become a nuisance to the Town. “Heck, if I didn’t come from a long line of draft dodgers and others who could not legally join the military because of their quite shocking and extensive and varied criminal records and/or the fact that they were actually in ‘The Big House’ at the time that war started, my family would have fought in that there Korean war over there in the Middle East or whatever and we would not even have some dern dictator like Feng Shui to mess up the American hegemony (pronounced ‘hedge-ER-moan-EE’), for Pete’s sake!” he rambled incoherently yet with the passion of the hopelessly ignorant. “This is America! If we want to junk up the place, lower property values for our neighbors and allow our dogs to attack school children, then that is what this here Democracy allows us to do – unlike what that little fancy-pants Mr. Feng or Mr. Shui or whatever that little dictators dern name is would have us to do while marching in that there ‘Red Square’ or where ever that place is with all them funny looking buildings and old, serious looking guys with gray coats and really massive moustaches or whatever!” he concluded, mangling the already overburdened English language to a degree rarely achieved by sober, sane native English speakers in this or any other age.

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