Oct 20, 2008

Local Artist Brings Class, Culture, Sophistication To Recent Lamont BBQ

Using a variety of condiments, traditional BBQ utensils and even the food itself, a local artist and self-ordained “Picasso of the Palouse” unleashed her considerable creative talents on a dazed, bedazzled and eventually mutinous crowd at a BBQ held in Lamont last Saturday. “Well, in this beauty starved world, it only seemed logical to bring beauty to the starving, surly mob that was waiting for their burgers to finish cooking” said the artist. “Finding beauty in everyday things is what makes life tolerable, if you think about it. Sure, people got a little upset when they had to wait an additional 5-10 minutes as I created an individual masterpiece with every hamburger that came off the grill – given that art cannot be rushed and people like their food at least a little warm. In the end, however, I think the beauty that was added far outweighed the frantic wailing of hungry kids and the semi-delirium and catatonia of the suffering diabetics in the crowd” said the paramour of paint. “Nothing in this life is free, and suffering a little inconvenience for a more beautiful world seems like a small sacrifice indeed. How was I to know that mayonnaise goes bad if left in the sun for any amount of time” she said defensively. “I never eat the stuff – it goes right to my hips.”

1 comment:

Michael said...

Mon amie! Go quickly and fetch Maurice the Maitre d' of the Cafe Boeuf! Only he will know how to quell this melee. Bon soir!

Garrison Keillor: Our show is brought to you by the Café Boeuf with your host, Maurice the maitre'd. Bon soir, Maurice.

Tom Keith: You're sorry about what?

GK: Bon soir!

TK: Yes, of course we have a bar. Come. This way. Bon soir, monsieur.

GK: Right. Bon soir.

TK: Park your car? Of course not. I am a maitre'd. (FRENCH IRRITATION) Here — a table for one—

GK: Okay, what's on the menu tonight?

TK: Tonight on the menu we have the (FRENCH GIBBERISH)— and that is fixed in a Sauce (GIBBERISH) and served on a bed of (GIBBERISH). Along with a (FRENCH VOCALISM FOR SMALL) of (GIBBERISH).

GK: Good.

TK: You wish to order?

GK: This dish— this (GIBBERISH) — this doesn't contain—

TK: What is that? (GIBBERISH) I didn't say that. I said that we are serving (GIBBERISH)—

GK: What did I say?

TK: You told me that my wife looks like a suitcase.

GK: I'm sorry. I only meant to ask about the food.

TK: What about it?

GK: Maurice, this dish — is this brains or kidneys.

TK: You don't eat brains or kidneys?

GK: No.

TK: Or the lips? You don't eat that?

GK: No. We don't.

TK: (FRENCH SHRUG, GIBBERISH) Well, then we have the sandwich au beurre de cacahuètes et confiture.

GK: Sounds good. What is that?

TK: It is the sandwich of the jelly and the butter made from peanuts.

GK: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

TK: Oui. For nineteen dollars.

GK: Nineteen dollars for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich????

TK: Otherwise, we have the (GIBBERISH) with the (GIBBERISH FOR SMALL) —

GK: Okay. I'll have the peanut butter and jelly.

TK: How about a wine with that?

GK: What kind of wine would I have with a peanut butter sandwich?

TK: A peanut noir.