Oct 28, 2008

The Great Worm Skedaddle – 10 Years Later

As with many natural and man-made disasters, it is only possible to gauge the full impact of the life-changing event with the benefit of time and a small measure of hindsight. As Lamont weighs the costs and, ironically, the benefits of one of the most memorable events to rock the Town since the Mount St. Helen’s volcano eruption - this stark reality comes into focus as we all ponder our precarious positions in regard to our relationships with our planet, our town and, indeed, with the animal kingdom itself. One decade ago, a Lamont councilman started a bait worm business in town and neglected (either thru malice, ignorance or a blatant disregard for the safety of others) to put bottoms on the worm pens and 1000’s of the shifty, snake-like critters made a mad dash for freedom and slithered unchecked into every corner of the town where they could sneak around, multiply and devour whatever it is that worms actually eat.

“Well, when the little rascals first made a run for it – my first emotions were anger and embarrassment at the loss of my investment – and my dream of becoming the “Worm King of the Palouse” was dashed on the rocks of life’s cruel sense of humor.” said the saddened yet wiser Councilman. “But then I realized what had happened – and all I could think was ‘Oh my goodness – WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT HELL HAVE I UNLEASHED ON THIS POOR TOWN??” he bellowed, still bearing the guilt a full decade later. “All I really wanted was to make a few dollars and get inside fishing info from the regional fisherman – but instead I unleashed an unseen horror on my unknowing neighbors. Oh, why did it have to be me?” he bellowed. “Why didn’t I buy another piece of plywood when I was at the lumber store? Oh, why did I have to be such a cheapskate?”

“Well, I have only lived here for 4 years, so I managed to miss a large portion of the actual and emotional trauma of the disaster, but from the moment I moved in you could sense an underlying feeling of fear and foreboding.” said a new and still somewhat sane resident. “People would never look you in the eye and they were always scanning the dirt around their shoes and mumbling some gibberish or incantations like they half expected some horrible monster to burst from the earth and drag them into some subterranean tunnel network where paybacks for centuries of fishing could be exacted inside some worm inspired torture chamber. But then I noticed the large number of obese birds in Town – and how easy it was to till my garden each spring – and I realized the glass could indeed be half full.” he said optimistically although still largely in denial of the real yet highly improbable nightmare scenarios posed by the subterranean trouble-makers.

1 comment:

Michael said...

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead. Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation,
"What did you learn from this demonstration???"

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service.