Dec 5, 2008

Heroic Coyote Does Rancher A Favor By Slaughtering Trouble-Making, Rabble-Rousing Calf

Although known as a pest and usually shot on sight, a local coyote (Canis latrans) provided a much needed boost to the herd's (to say nothing of the rancher's) morale after sneaking up on, killing and consuming (along with her cute litter of playful, energetic, 'always-a-handful' pups) over half of a juvenile delinquent calf that, while alive, had done nothing but cause trouble and break his poor mother's heart since he was born out behind the salt lick in the late Winter of 2008. "Well, although coyotes and I very seldom see eye-to-eye, I have to tip my Stetson to that low-end yet resourceful predator for taking that little troublemaker off my hands and freeing the herd from his insidious, mischief-making influence" said Festus Martin, 56, a local rancher. "It seemed like every time I turned around, that no-good calf was instigating a stampede, showing the other cows that hole in the fence or 'relieving himself' right on top of the new hay I put out. And don't even get me started on his role in getting the other calves to eat that cursed "Locoweed" for its mild, hallucinatory effects. That calf was just rotten, thru and thru" said the relieved rancher. Although at the present time there is an unofficial truce (a honeymoon, if you will) between the opportunistic predator and the overburdened rancher who is just thankful to have one less problem on his plate, local Grange insiders predict that within a few short weeks this new-found truce will break down and the civic-minded coyote will once again be blasted on sight, should the opportunity present itself.

1 comment:

Cosmo Kramer said...

Hi, I'm a calf, and I'm a Locoweed-aholic. [audience stamps their hooves].

You said he's "the relieved rancher". That's not related to what the calf did on the new hay, is it?

You know, he may be "Festus" to his mother and Matt Dillon, but it's "Festivus" for the rest of us.