Holiday Songs And Important Life Lessons (Pastoral Humor)

Once upon a time, a bunch of chess nerds were holding a big chess tournament in one of those big towns where they have actual Convention Centers and Fire Marshals. (as opposed to Lamont where we have the Community Center and some old guy with a garden hose) Anyway, as so often happens with chess enthusiasts, the competitive furor rose to such a fever pitch that, in order to avoid bloodshed, the most boisterous of the players would congregate in the hall outside the tournament room to blow off steam. During these gatherings they would make disparaging comments about the other player’s pocket protectors and high-water pants (or lack thereof) and tell off-color jokes with punch lines that ended with such side-splitters as “Queen to Bishop 4” (and they would all die laughing). Anyway.

As these gatherings became more frequent, the nerds gradually moved farther and farther down the hall until they were by the exit door. One day the Fire Marshall was leaving a meeting on proper fire truck maintenance or whatever and saw the nerds bunched up by the exit – in clear violation of the existing fire codes. So rather than confront these rebels and risk bodily injury, the Marshall just went back to the fire station and printed up the following sign. “No Chess Nuts Loitering In An Open Foyer.” Luckily, the Tournament ended that day and there was no need to directly confront the ever-dangerous nerds.