In a bold move sure to rock the "Flat Earthers" back on their heels once and for all, the lowly Town of Lamont (that has been a town for 100 years, for Pete's sake!) purchased their first 'non-living' vehicle, late Thursday. The vehicle, part general purpose truck and part snowplow, does not eat hay and leave 'road apples' strewn all over the place (especially right in front of the Mayor's mailbox - which given its frequency and concentration could not have been mere random chance - thus increasing the Mayor's extensive and largely justified paranoia as it relates to the cantankerous and vengeful town mule) and will serve a variety of roles within the town, not the least of which is proving once and for all that Lamont may be slow in embracing new technology - but we are not officially dead-end laggards as many in the local region suspect."Good gravy, man!!!!" bellowed the Mayor. "This is the dadburn Lamont equivalent of the good old USA landing on the moon one step ahead of the no-good Ruskies back when I was a kid!!!!" he said melodramatically with a patriotic flair. "Sure, it takes a lot of backward thinking and sheer ignorant stubbornness to become and remain the second smallest town in a thriving state, and you don't get that way by running off all 'willy-nilly' and embracing every new fad and 'Johnny-Come-Lately' scheme to make our lives easier. We are not risk-takers like that, and thank goodness we aren't!" he babbled passionately. "We are fairly sure that this whole 'motor vehicle thing' is pretty much a proven concept at this point - but time will tell" he said suspiciously.
"Now, listen, just because we purchased a truck doesn't mean we are going to get all '20th Century' in every aspect of our lives, so we have decided to park the truck in the old mule stall as opposed to some 'new-fangled' garage or something (ironically, this stall belonged to Nellie's mother, Mabel, who served Lamont when men were men and mules were mules - before being put out to pasture in the late 1980's)- and rather than buy a lawn mower for the town we are just going to encourage Nellie (the living one) to get off her lazy duff and keep the park looking spiffy and well trimmed (thus reducing Lamont's hay overhead costs at the same time)" he said, demonstrating his keen management insights into employee motivation strategies and cost/benefit analysis. "Oh, this is exciting" he stammered foolishly while rummaging in every drawer looking for the keys to the new truck. "Darn technology!!! Nellie (the living one) never had to have a key! Maybe this technology thing is not so great after all. Oh, what have we done???"
3 comments:
That's because we're actually an Amish settlement but we forgot. That's why the region is largely related to itself and there's no modern computer technology to speak of, yet we lack those cool straw hats, those awesome little buggies, and we don't have a country fair to show off our home cooked preserves. Almost makes me want to grow out my neck beard just thinking about it!
Wow! Now I will no longer be able to think nostalgically of Lamont as being a town from the Twilight Zone!
Hey... That top picture is of the mayor, right? That ain't the town mule! Except I am used to seeing the back end of him, though. He is much more recognizable that way! And every town in Idaho has a truck. Lamont should be ashamed! Idaho rules!
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