Jun 11, 2009

Local Cat 'Less Than Pleased' At Recent Cat Litter Brand Change

A local feline, 'Spuds McKenzie", has been decidedly unsettled and moody after his owner, Purvis Bodine, age 32, decided to buy scented cat litter as opposed to the traditional, manly, 'no-fuss, no-muss', All-American brand of pure clay cat litter that any self-respecting relative of the lion and cheetah would be proud to relieve himself in. The cat, who now spends almost 20 hours per day outside, just sits on the back porch and either stares at his owner with hardly disguised disgust or actually walks over to an exposed grassless earth patch and begins digging (whether the cat actually has to go to the bathroom or not) when the owner wants to have some quality time together. "What the heck has gotten into that stupid cat?" bemoaned Purvis. "I got a raise at work and thought I would do something nice for my little buddy. The store had 'Wild Flower Potpourri' scented cat litter and I figured he would just love it - like he was in some big field filled with flowers like in the movie "The Sound of Music" or whatever" said the painfully misinformed, outrageously naive man who needs to have his head examined (after receiving a swift kick in the pants).

"Well, first off, naming a cat after a famous TV dog violates almost every known rule of cat ownership" said Dr. Susan Pinkerton, an area animal psychologist. "To begin a relationship with that sort of insult is the equivalent of getting a new wife and calling her "Lassie" or "Rin-Tin-Tin" or whatever. That alone is outrageously insensitive and I am sure goes a long way towards fueling that cat's natural feelings of isolation and betrayal" said the huffy, indignant, absolutely correct Animal Psychologist a bit too peevishly. "And when I heard that he subjected that poor cat to a cat litter change that basically altered the overall scent experience from one that is reminiscent of the game-filled Serengeti plains in Africa to one that is more in tune with a cheap brothel in some low rent district of Paris, it was all I could do to hold myself back from just smacking him upside the head a couple of times!! How could he be so stupid?" said Dr. Pinkerton.

Luckily, the poor judgment shown by Purvis in this case means that in all likelihood the poor man will bring this bad decision-making and lack of overall awareness of others to his job, thus forcing his boss to either remove him from his current position or at least reduce his pay back to a level where, historically, he actually did less damage to himself, his co-workers and to the firm - and thus Purvis will be forced to go back to the cheaper, less flamboyant, totally natural all-clay cat litter and never again be able to afford that astoundingly bad "scented freak show" cat litter that appealed to him so strongly during the 4 second decision-making process while in "Pets-Mart" several weeks ago.

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