Jun 27, 2009

Mayor Sinks Even Further Into Depression After Seeing Aerial Photo Of Town

Although seemingly impossible, a local Mayor was laid even more low by a casual glance at a seemingly innocent and highly informative visual representation of the Town that he currently serves. The Mayor, freshly returned from the AWC annual conference in Spokane where he learned that the smallest designation for towns in the State is the dreaded and highly humiliating "Under 5000 Population" category, was still coming to grips with this obviously insurmountable hurdle that the Town of Lamont (pop. 101)(note to reader: This 101 figure is not an official census count - but is based off of various 'straw polls' that the town conducts, usually on weekends when someone is having an unusually large BBQ or something) has to leap in order to have at least a modicum of self-respect and positive self-image. Sadly, as the Mayor was milling around listlessly, pondering the obvious disadvantages of unleashing 50 times as many "Lamonters" (some would call them Lamontazoids) on the world just to get out of that most shameful of population categories, he happened to glance at a piece of paper that displayed an aerial photo of Lamont and this single event sent him over the edge into even more outrageous levels of smoldering self-pity, biting organizational inferiority, and that most undesirable of feelings for a mayor - 'population envy'.

"Well, I thought we were doing pretty well until I realized we were at the bottom end of the bottom end category for cities and towns in Washington" said the dispirited and now lifeless Mayor. "I mean, if the lowest of the low is 50 times bigger than we are - what the heck does that say about us? It is almost too mind-boggling to come to grips with in a state of complete sobriety, for Pete's sake!' he sniveled. "I am not sure what "city slicker' came up with those arbitrary and totally random categories, but I would love to march right up to them and just thank them politely for destroying any vestige of organizational self-worth that I had left - and believe you me I was running on fumes as it was!! You would think that they would throw towns like Lamont a bone and create a special category like "Pathetic Loser Towns With A Population Of 50 Or Fewer" just so we could have someone to tease and make fun of. But NOOOO! They had to make the lowest rung of the ladder 50 times as big as we are. Where do we go from here?" he moaned. "Oh, mercy!! Where do we go from here?"

1 comment:

AZ Sammy said...

Well, Mayor--I would say the obvious solution would be to promote a program of propogation onto the Town of Lamont. Just think bunnies or mice or anything else that reproduces quickly. I think the common denominator is that they all stay underground for long periods of time with nothing else productive to do.