Oct 22, 2010

Lamont's Favorite Parrot Rescue Person Takes Parrot Rescue Craft To Whole New Level

In a bold move that leaves parrot owners the world over standing their slack jawed with awe and admiration, an area parrot rescue aficionado, a certain Erika of Century West Engineering fame, (AKA - The uber-goddess of efficiency!) has thrown aside convention and has committed herself to what can only be described (by laymen!) as "extreme parrot rescue', insiders report. This said Erika, never one to be shy in the face of almost insurmountable challenges and daunting impossibilities, is no longer satisfied with the more traditional yet decidedly honorable pursuits of rescuing parrots from households who either bit off more than they could chew when it came to acquiring one of the smartest animals in the Good Lord's menagerie and/or had changing life circumstances that no longer allowed for owning this type of magnificent pet - and now Erika desires to 'push the envelope' to the next level, whatever that means! Erika, who at one time had as many as 16 of the forlorn, feathered wonders under her care - saved from lives of misery and despair - (some were received in decidedly tragic states that required a level of love, understanding and compassion that we at the Lamont Blog can hardly fathom!), now wants to boldly go where no parrot rescue person has ever gone before - which, if you ask us, would have seemed to be having 16 parrots in various stages of mental and physical health, but what do we know?

"Well, first off, when I was talking to Erika the other day, she kind of outlined her tentative plans to me, and to be quite honest, the whole discussion left me filled with awe and trepidation" said an area man who once was given a mere parakeet as a kid, with less than flattering results - mainly for the parakeet, poor thing! "Anyway, as we all know, the beaks of the average parrot are in fact strong enough to break a finger with very little effort, should the feathered wonders ever take a mind to do such a thing. But Erika, who has risked various digits over the years, has decided to upgrade to the Hyacinth Macaw, a magnificent specimen with a beak crushing potential of 10,000 pounds of pressure per square inch - a bite similar in power to a hyena and capable of quite easily breaking a human forearm without breaking a sweat, assuming parrots even sweat or whatever! Whoa! What gumption! What spunk! What mastery in the face of almost certain dismemberment! Oh, just hearing her plans made me curl up in the fetal position and whimper like a dadburn school girl or whatever" said the outrageous sissy who is still recovering from that time a bat flew inside the collar of his shirt and it took six men and a mule to hold him down in order to get the poor thing out of there and released unharmed into the wild again!

"Oh yeah, and she was telling me about the time she was bonding with her rambunctious 9 month old baby African Grey (Luna) (African Grey parrots are reported to be as smart as human 5-year-olds) who was having a ball frolicking across her shoulders, down her arms, off the side of her head, where ever the darn aviary adventurer could get a good hold. Anyway, she was sitting there chatting away and the doggone bird charged into her face and stuffed her head into the stunned Erika's obviously occupied mouth... I'm talking Luna's WHOLE head went in there! No joke. Erika thought she just wanted a kiss or to play with her teeth (Editorial Note: Although shocking, it would appear that baby parrots have this huge fascination with teeth. Whoa! How totally unique is that!). So the baby birds head is in Erika's open mouth (talk about gob smacked!) and, well, she obviously couldn't close it... then the doggone thing starts mumbling something while briefly examining Erika's excellent dental work (given Century West's quite excellent employee benefits plan!) with a keen, practiced eye, then it pops its head out, looks at the open-mouthed and totally stunned assemblage with a look of mischievous delight and I'll be derned if the crazy bird didn't begin laughing uproariously! Talk about a loving and understanding person who understands man's role in protecting the animals! (and what a crazy, kooky bird!) Oh, but that whole unsettling story about things that fly all around the place was all a little too much for me, let me tell you" said the annoying whiner while glancing over his shoulder as if expecting another unprovoked and decidedly unwelcome bat attack at any moment! (Oh, be a man already!)

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