Oct 29, 2010

Totally Awesome City Of Sprague Saves The Day On Lamont's New Library Septic System

The City of Sprague, a little gem of a city nestled right on Interstate 90 in the often under appreciated Lincoln County, WA - rose quite admirably to the occasion when Lamont, a mere town that can barely grab its own rear end with both hands, was faced with a vexing dilemma when applying for a septic system permit for their first ever public restroom. As luck would have it, the quite excellent Whitman County Health Department, just one of the many quite excellent Whitman County departments that Lamont gets to work with on a regular basis, required that Lamont provide a backhoe to dig the test holes for the new septic system for the new library that Lamont is attempting to build (Lamont is the only town in Whitman County without a real library - or so the scuttle-butt goes!). "Well, when I heard that we needed a piece of heavy machinery, of course, my blood turned to ice water!" said a so-called area mayor who tends to get all fidgety when faced with situations outside the routine. "Anyway, after my initial panic subsided and I was able to think clearly, well, clearly for me, anyway - I realized that we were either doomed or somehow we needed a miracle - and that miracle came on the wings of an angel called Sprague" he said dramatically while gazing thankfully at the Heavens!

"So, I called one of the top-notch Sprague employees who does some work for Lamont and he placed a call to Sprague's quite capable and obviously resourceful mayor - who, after researching the legal foundations of such a transaction (Mental note to self: Must remember to check out all that legal stuff in the future. Must attempt to be more like the Sprague mayor!) agreed to help out Lamont with the backhoe. Oh, I almost passed out with my relief! I mean, Sprague is over 5 times the size of Lamont and they even have stores! The fact that they would condescend to help the hapless Lamont just goes to show that there is still goodness in this cold, selfish world! In fact, this whole process is leading to a formal 'Mutual Assistance Pact' between the two incorporated entities (another great idea from that quite excellent Sprague mayor. Mental Note to self: Must have more good ideas like the Sprague mayor!) Oh, and to think that they are even in a different County! I'm sorry, I am just all choked up!!" he sniffled, wiping away a rare tear! (and not the crocodile variety, either!)

(Editorial Note: We at the Lamont Blog cannot help but notice the irony that an entirely different town, located 8-9 miles away, would play such a pivotal role in helping Lamont get their first public restroom in over 100 years! (Why couldn't Lamont be that motivated for Lamont's first public restroom? Inquiring minds want to know!) One cannot help but wonder if they were just embarrassed to be situated next-door to a town with such a well-trodden history of failure in the "public restroom department", who knows! Lamont, well known for outrageous levels of dysfunction and a decided lack of cohesion, is, if nothing else, a loyal, thankful town - and a gesture like this from Sprague will make us as loyal as a faithful (and house broken) Labrador Retriever (raised from a puppy!) or whatever. The whole town of Lamont extends their heart-felt thanks to the whole City of Sprague - and we would like to thank them for having a gas station and a quite excellent grocery store, too! And that mayor of theirs! Oh, how did they get so lucky while Lamont just seems to be so cursed? Inquiring minds want to know!)

1 comment:

Steve said...


Obviously the town of Lamonte has some sort of complex that, if the town were human, would require substantial and maintained physoanalytical analysis and treatment in a facility with maximum security protocols, if you get my drift. Now, in terms of the backhoe, there may be some covert and maybe even devious intentions by the Sprauge folks; a wolf in a lambs costume is the visual image that comes to mind. Beware of neighbors bearing backhoe gifts; perhaps ulterior motives, and believe me there are ulterior motives, could include free and unbridled use of the "new" restroom facilities, disturbing the relative peace, quiet, and solitude of the hapless Lamonte residents. Think of the Sprauge football team standing in line, inside the freshly painted library, waiting to use the urinal, or whatever after a game with the Long Beach Pirates on a mud and cowpie infested field; not pretty. I would suggest that next time you enter into one of these "agreements" with a neighboring jurisdiction (especially one outside the trusting borders of Whitman County) that you seriously consider interlocal agreement, with the help of a compentent attorney, if there is such a thing, to ensure that all real or potential liabilities are adequately addressed and fully mitigated. Any neophyte should know that popular popular high school kids from a rich family, do not help nerdy 3rd graders unless.......