Nov 1, 2008

Entire Town Confused/Impressed After Local Man Uses Outdated Expression In Heated Argument

The Town of Lamont was thrown into a tailspin of confusion and profound misunderstanding after a local man used an obviously well worn expression with its roots in our distant, murky past. “Well, I was having another talk with him about his dog’s unnatural inclination to answer the hourly call of nature in my front yard when, out of the blue, he just dropped that verbal bomb on me. I was so pole-axed by its obviously profound yet mysterious origins that all I could do is slink off back to the house and hit the bottle” said a local retiree and neighbor. “I have been around a lot of years and consider myself well-versed in the finer arts of verbal fencing and crushing one-liners, but there was nothing else to do but concede defeat gracefully and regroup to fight another day” he said.

The situation escalated rapidly as innocent bystanders were drawn into the unfortunate melee. “Well, in order to listen to what they were saying and not appear to be snooping, I was acting like I was checking the lid on my garbage can for the third time that day so I could overhear their usual argument about that sweet dog and his totally reasonable desire to go to the bathroom on well-tended grass. Then when the owner of that dear, sweet dog muttered that cutting comeback he just silenced the whole argument right there. I darn near dropped the trash can lid and gave myself away” said a local snoop, busybody, outrageous gossip and humble housewife. “The sheer simplicity and sweeping nature of it drew my breath away with its panoramic implications and crushing tone of finality” she said. “The only thing I could do is go inside and nag at my husband for never using deep, moving expressions like that so I could be proud of him for once.”

Sadly, in retrospect, the expression had little bearing on the situation at hand. Although versatile; the retort “Don’t measure my wheat with your bushel”, has little bearing on the dog problem because the pithy one-liner refers to measuring something – and not some spoiled house pet with bladder control issues.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That dog is so cute, if it ran for town council it would probably get elected. Not that beauty is a requirement for town council, as our current membership reveals.