Mar 12, 2009

Local Canine 'Heroes' Save Town From Mysterious "Green Thing"

In a testament of loyalty and faithfulness that stretches back to the murky depths of time itself, 'Man's Best Friend' has proven its mettle once again by protecting the defenseless, complacent, slumbering town from an undefined horror too terrible to consider. The juvenile canines, patrolling the town on their own initiative in an effort to provide added value for the outrageous amounts of "Puppy Chow" they consume 5-6 times a day, uncovered the ghastly menace while prowling the backyard and sniffing around where the cats normally like to 'take care of business'. "Well, no one is sure how something so horrific could make it to the heart of town in the first place" said a public safety official. "Whatever that thing is/was obviously relies on stealth and cunning in order to sow terror into the lives of innocent citizens" he said. "So, when these fearless heroes stumbled upon this crafty yet secretive troublemaker, their course of action was clear. Without a moments hesitation, all three of them descended on the unsuspecting interloper, thus unraveling its carefully planned schemes for mayhem and destruction. I think the whole Town owes these brave warriors a word of thanks - and any sort of table scraps that are available - like that strip of fat from a steak that everyone used to eat but now is carefully cut off in order to be all 'politically correct' and 'healthy'. These "town hounds' stepped up when other lesser, more 'lilly livered' creatures faltered and failed - so shamelessly rewarding them (as long as it is not with vegetables!), just seems fitting to me" he said.

All attempts to identify the terrible beast were thwarted because even the 'bravest of the brave' men in town would not go near the now lifeless creature to attempt a 'post-mortem', due to a crippling fear of the unknown - not to mention the almost unbelievable amounts of slobber and drool that cover the now-stilled fiend. "I ain't touching that thing! No way! That's just disgusting! said a rescue worker as he wearily left the scene to walk the two blocks to his house to grab his shovel so he could place the thing in the trash can once and for all. (special thanks goes to Sheri for bringing this situation to our attention)


Anonymous said...

I am SO proud to see that Lamont is finally going to the dogs! Of coures, if it had been Airedale puppies, it would only have taken two to tackle and bring down the green menace.

Mosquito Abatement Tiger Team (MATT) said...

I don't care what kind of "invasive species" move into Lamont, as long as they eat all the mosquitoes come spring time!