Mar 17, 2009

Town Loses Grip On Sanity By Actually Planning For Future Events

In a radical break from the past and all known, well-cherished town precedents, the Town of Lamont is conducting a series of planning meetings before an actual disaster, hideous calamity, biblical-like plague or crippling incident renders the Town useless as a functioning entity. Given the heavy snowfall this last year, the Town, under the astute leadership of the eerily forward-looking Town Council, is holding snow removal planning sessions so that we can get the equipment, infrastructure and planning mechanisms in place so that future snowy years are handled in a more streamlined and efficient way - thus saving money in the long run. This snow removal task force, comprised of elected officials and the citizenry at large, meets on a regular basis to flesh out levels of service, hardware requirements and 'special needs" for unique areas of town - thus allowing Lamont to develop a comprehensive plan for future years to come.

"Has the whole town gone mad? I just have no idea what has gotten into those people!!!" said the mayor. "First of all, this goes against every known principle of small town management. Half of the drama of living in a small town comes from neglecting and/or ignoring easily preventable events that somehow inconvenience a large portion of the citizenry! For goodness sake - we are supposed to be 'pole-axed' to our knees when some outrageous natural or man-made phenomenon sweeps thru, leaving chaos and destruction in its wake. I am the mayor of the 2nd smallest town in a relatively small state population-wise! How else am I ever going to be on CNN, for Pete's sake? That is just like the Town Council to try to steal my 15 minutes of fame" he sniveled. "What a bunch of glory hogs! If I had my own parking space (which I don't), I guess they would want to take that away too - for the 'greater good' of the town, whatever that means!" he huffed. "What is next, planning for volcanoes, fires, and floods? This thing could get out of hand pretty quickly! Somehow I know that Century West Engineering is behind this craziness, either directly or indirectly! That is just like them to try to proactively avert unfortunate events that, if allowed to manifest themselves, would give the elected officials a real sense of purpose and value!" (thanks to Jenni from Spokane Valley for bringing this sorry state of affairs to our attention)

1 comment:

Apocalypso Music said...

I'm still rooting for the asteroid!

Maybe we should start a rumor that Steptoe Butte is an active volcano. We could pretend Lamont is actually just a really distant city on the Big Island of Hawaii, and that if a person drove southeast long enough, they'd eventually make it to Kailua-Kona.

As Jimmy Buffett sang:
My girl quickly say to me
"Mon, you better watch your feet
Lava come down soft and hot
You better love-a me now or love-a me not!"