Mar 16, 2009

Local Kitten Wrestles With Overwhelming Desire To Attack Something

In a classic example of "discretion is the better part of valor", a local kitten, aptly named 'Spartacus" by one of the seven (7) grandchildren, is attempting to restrain the very essence of its nature and accept the bridle of socialization in order to live up to the over-hyped and often-used "good kitty" descriptor by not stalking, pouncing on, thumping, and scaring the 'living daylights" out of the first living thing that comes into view. "Well, I have been watching that thing for about an hour, and just a casual glance was enough to tell me that darn cat is up to no good" said Myrtle Jessup, a local farm wife. "When I walked by a few minutes ago to find the TV remote so I could catch the tail end of "Oprah", the cat tried to look all cute and friendly, but I could tell it was all an act and that if I got too close I was liable to experience a recreation of some prehistoric life-and-death struggle more suited to the primordial jungles of some forgotten age than right in the middle of my living room" she said cautiously, keeping her voice low to avoid any unnecessary provocations. "Even the dog was too scared to come out from behind the couch - and normally they are good friends. Although I have no hard, tangible evidence, I just know in my bones that all hell could break loose if one of us makes any sudden, poorly conceived moves. Its like a powder keg in there! I just can't allow my home to be turned into a mini 'Wild Kingdom"" she whispered emphatically, while frantically shooing the dog towards the dubious safety of the backyard.

1 comment:

Onion Listener said...

What most people don't know is that this is the kitten referred to by The Onion Radio News in their report entitled: "Area kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day."