Sep 21, 2009

Local Rancher Contemplates Leaving Ranching After 'Hippie Craze" Sweeps Thru Herd

In a clash of cultures that is as old as time itself, a local rancher is faced with some hard decisions about his future and the future of his herd after the latest in a series of inevitable social trends has gripped the cattle of the Palouse. "Well, I am just about ready to give the whole thing up and retire to Dollywood once and for all" said Festus Festoon, a local rancher of 46 years. "I remember a time when men were men and cows were cows - but this dern world has gotten so crazy and the social pressures have become so bizarre that I have to ask myself 'Is it even worth it anymore?'. I mean, come on!!" said Festoon. "It was kind of cute when the herd went thru that whole 'Civil War Reenactment' phase or when my cattle decided to go back to the primitive, pre-domestication 'caveman' period - but this whole 'retro-hippie' thing just seems un-American to me somehow. It all just seems to have gotten out of hand!" he said. "I mean, thankfully we have been spared that whole 'Hip-Hop' craze that swept thru the herds of Iowa and Nebraska and I am glad we avoided that highly ironic 'Urban Cowboy' nonsense that paralyzed large portions of the South - but a man has to draw the line somewhere, and I ain't sure this whole un-American hippie cow thing is just not as bad. I can just see my name in the paper after some big 'loco-weed' bust and my whole dern ranch being littered with "Make Pork, Not War" signs or whatever' he said sadly. "I am just too old to deal with this sort of thing. I just can't help but feel that the whole country is in one big mess, that's all.

No comments: