Dec 3, 2010

Area 'Artistic Type' Captures Epic And Potentially Socially Significant Struggle Between The Hapless Lamont And That Doggone Long Beach

In an artsy, innovative attempt to capture on canvas one of the longest simmering yet decidedly one-sided municipal conflicts in Washington state history, one of the world's less-well known painters, that painter guy, (what is his dern name, anyway?) applied his quite considerable although unrecognized talents to doing whatever it is those artist types do as it relates to the now famous Lamont/Long Beach dust up. (Given the quite comprehensive whipping Lamont has been taking as of late, we at the Lamont Blog would hardly flatter this altercation with the much too glamorous descriptor of a 'dust up'! It is much more akin to an elite Army Ranger brushing off an undersized 3rd grader by putting his outstretched hand on the young hellion's forehead as the tot just swings away in vain or whatever! I mean, come on! That is hardly a 'dust up' worthy of the name!!) "Well, of course I prefer to get my art on the cover of a cereal box or whatever, so I am no real judge of fine art, I guess" said Wilber Bodine, an area farmer/rancher. "But, first of all, what is with that whole creative license thing? If that Lamont guy is supposed to somehow represent our mayor, then first off, the guy has way too much hair! Whoa! That pirate would be blinded in a second once the sun beamed unmercifully off the mayor's ever-expanding forehead, for Pete's sake! Why not capture reality for reality's sake, is what I want to know!" he remarked quite astutely! (Darn his beady little eyes!)

"Second, it looks like our cowardly and decidedly poltroon-like mayor is actually putting up a fight there, when in reality it is much more his style to run away, screaming like a dadburn school girl or whatever! And what is that thing in his hand, an eggbeater or something? Everyone in these parts knows that dern mayor ain't no good with firearms. I did like the part about that pirate guy getting ready to smite the mayor with the wrath of the truly justified, however. That was pretty cool. Too bad that part ain't true, though! I would pay cash money to see that" he said a tad too gleefully! "Oh yeah, and those do look like some of that doggone mayor's 'big city' clothes that only he would wear! Dang, I bet he has never had a pair of manure-covered cowboy boots on in his life! How we ever elected a mayor without manure-covered cowboy boots is beyond me! What a moment of electoral insanity! We will not make THAT mistake again, let me tell you!" he said sternly! "And now that I look at it again, the mayor guy is kind of cringing in fear there - so maybe that is more than a little accurate, after all" said the budding patron of the arts, at least art where the mayor is in imminent peril of being dismembered or rendered senseless or whatever.

(Editorial Note: For the sake of accuracy, the nicely planned vacation wonderland of Long Beach is a peace loving town and prefers to coexist with other incorporated entities in the Great State of Washington, so any depiction of violence, however implied or symbolic, is outside the scope of the annoyingly peace loving nature of Long Beach and is solely in the somewhat disturbed mind of the 2nd smallest town in the State. Thank you!)

1 comment:

Long Beach said...


If those last simpering sentences are your way of saying "ow!" to a butt-kicking, we can only concur.

Regards and Ahoy Matey, Long Beach