A local citizen, Mabel Bodine, 72, fabled matriarch of the Bodine farmer/rancher clan, long-renowned for her conservative nature and resistance to improvement and change of any kind, decided to throw her considerable weight behind the tried-and-true "do nothing" segment of the Lamont citizenry, late Tuesday. Although often hovering between complete and total lethargy and general unenthusiastic inaction, current events have caused her to move herself off of the well-worn fence and into a rare stand for a total cessation of all community-oriented activity whatsoever."Well, I cannot help but feel that change of any kind is just a bad thing" said the icon of inertia. "If the lazy, uninvolved people don't stand up and nip this crazy energy and activity in the bud, next thing you know the whole darn town will be sprucing up, making things better and generally creating a fuss all over the place. A large part of my self identity comes from justifying my personal failures by comparing myself to my surroundings, and if this Town improves my whole irrational excuse structure will topple over like that kitchen stool I never got around to fixing after the dadburn leg fell off in 1976" she said nervously. "I know on some level that my bold stand is a paradox - I mean it is so out of character for me to get involved in anything - but supporting the forces of inactivity just seemed sensible and prudent. Sometimes a person just has to take a stand for one's core beliefs, especially if by not doing so means that more activity might follow down the road. I darn near had a fit when they brought that 'no good' pavement in here - and who knows what other forms of devilry they are plotting over there!" she fumed - pointing disgustedly at the Town Hall with her ever-present cane made out of cow bones or something. "I still say that this town was perfectly all right without all those 'new fangled' streetlights cluttering up the place. And I drank bad water all my life and it never hurt me one bit - but oh no, we had to get some fancy new water system! Its crazy! That doggone Century West Engineering is just a bad influence - that's all there is too it. Sure, those engineers are smart and down-right 'dreamy'', but good looks and common sense are often strangers as we all know!"
Thankfully, one of the many activities that this group does not want to get involved in is voting, thus enabling the citizens who care about Lamont to elect officials with the mandate to actually get something done for a change.
1 comment:
Here, here, my spinster sister, lurching unsteadily through life! I raise my half-empty cup of decaf to your decadent display of anti-action activism. You encourage me to put on a frowning face, which, as any good schoolgirl knows, uses 72 muscles, where smiling uses only 14. That's why frowning is a much better exercise whilst sitting quietly at the card table in the front room with the blinds drawn and staring bleakly at the wall and welcoming the freezing cold into our veins, as we take comfort in knowing it was a long, hard winter to tame the ambitions of those interlopers who are always trying to improve things around here. Who do they think they are, anyway? Those poor blackguards, like a bunch of clones of Dr. Robert Morgan from "The Last Man On Earth", wielding their wooden stakes into our dour plight. They don't understand that we prefer being the second smallest town in Washington, and for reasons they'll never comprehend. Next thing, they'll be wantin' ta kill all the mosquitoes so they can enjoy the outdoors. If God meant us to enjoy the outdoors, why did he make mosquitoes, then? They need to just sit inside and sweat it out until winter comes along again to spot us from the warmth and sunshine and green grass, which requires mowing and uses precious water. It's a fool's game they're playing. What's wrong with those people? No plague infection, apparently.
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