Aug 8, 2009

The Enigmatic "Critter" Surpasses Both Dogs and Cats As Town's Most Common Pet

In support of the principle that "slow and steady wins the race", the lowly 'critter' has worked itself up from obscurity into being the most common and popular pet (in terms of percentage of ownership) in the 2nd smallest Town in the State. "Well, we don't have the slightest idea what these animals are, but they must be pretty cute and sweet if a seemingly normal town would take them on as pets!" said Wilber Wilkins, an animal expert at BSU. "In America, it is very common for dog and cat varieties to dominate the affections of the average citizen, so when I read in the Journal of Abnormal Sociology that a little town in the Palouse had gone 'hog wild' over such a poorly defined and largely misunderstood animal that doesn't even have a proper name for all I know, unless I stayed home from college that day nursing a hangover when that topic was discussed, I was intrigued, to say the least" he said with an air of smug ivory-towerishness. "So, long story short, I went to have a look for myself and, sure enough, there were critters all over the Town of Lamont! And they had adapted to fill almost every niche imaginable. In fact, there was one woman who was convinced that her 'dog' was half wiener dog and half Chihuahua - when in fact, DNA tests reveal that it was pure 'critter', whatever the heck that is" said the puzzled Ph.D.

"Well, whether she is half wiener dog and half Chihuahua or just a pure bred 'critter', I don't care!!! I love my Honey Bear, even if there is a 99% chance that she belongs to a largely unknown and potentially sinister sub-group of the animal kingdom" said Ann Tootsmeyer, an area 'critter' owner. "I always did think it was odd that the thing yapped all the time and tended to 'spring' all over the place when it ran, as opposed to bounding like a dog does, but I thought that was just because she was so long and was the runt and all. If I would have known she was not a dog but was, in fact, just a 'critter', I am not sure I would have paid the $20 for her. $15, maybe. But probably not $20. But that is water under the bridge now!! I own a 'critter' and I am not ashamed!!!" said Tootsmeyer with seemingly genuine bravado.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

All I can say is: Can you believe anything someone says who graduated from Boise State University?! Now if they had attended the U of I......