Aug 16, 2009

Local Cat Can't Help But Notice Large Number Of Flattering "Feline" References In Old Testament

A local cat's self image was boosted considerably late Tuesday after becoming aware of the decidedly positive role that the fellow members of his largely misunderstood species played in the 'Greatest Book Ever Written' - and took particular satisfaction when those positive biblical portrayals were compared against those of his arch rival and natural competitor for human affection - the dog. The seemingly unassuming house cat, Samson, age 4, although not a regular church-goer, none-the-less recognized the inherent wisdom of "The Good Book" and was just thankful that his owner, 'that guy with the can-opener' (AKA - Wilber Festoon) is spending an increasing amount of time reading such an obviously insightful, well-reasoned, inherently intuitive, historically-balanced, divinely-inspired and 'species-accurate' book of wisdom.

"Well, as the world goes to hell-in-a-hand-basket and disturbing trends seem to manifest themselves just about every day, I have found myself drawn more and more to the comfort of the bible" said Wilber Festoon, a local dog and cat owner and purported 'miracle worker' with the seemingly impossibly complicated 'can-opener'. "I like to read aloud, and when I stumbled onto those parts about "The Lion of Judah" I was briefly yet quite rudely interrupted by what was apparently 'loud, obnoxious purring' coming from the back of the sofa where my darn cat likes to sleep when he is not sleeping someplace else" said the annoyingly obtuse Festoon. "Sure, I got a bit of a mixed reaction when David proved his courage before fighting Goliath by recounting that time he vanquished a lion (the part about the bear was more than understandable!) with his bare hands while guarding the sheep, but the very fact that this future King of Israel's courage was positively measured by overcoming such a worthy adversary seemed to the cat to more than make up for the fate of that individual distant relative - who was probably well-past his prime, anyway - although the bible remains mute on this particular point, however" he said. "Samson tried to act like he was not listening - you know, acting like he was cat-napping and all of that, but when I got to that part about not feeding scraps to the dogs when the children are present or whatever, I saw him cock a well-tuned ear in my general direction, as if he was enthusiastically waiting for some outrageous and long-overdue misfortune to befall that ancient, biblical, shamelessly begging mooch of a dog (yes, I refrained from saying mooch of a pooch!! What willpower!) in addition to the measly withholding of some lousy biblical table scraps. Although the cat would have also preferred if that expression about 'casting pearls' would have been exclusively directed towards dogs and not those often picked-upon swine, all in all he feels that the overall portrayal of his fellow felines (and the less-than flattering one of his continually slobbering canine adversary!) more than makes up for any minor editorial quibbling that might be in order.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Obviously Samson, the cat, hasn't heard the story of Samson, in the Bible, or he would be changing his name!