Aug 24, 2009

Local Herd Becomes Even More Jittery After Faint BBQ Smell Wafts Over Pasture

As if they didn't have enough to worry about already given that this is the time of year when large numbers of their herd-mates 'disappear' into big cattle trucks, never to be seen again - members of a local herd exchanged worried, knowing glances and instinctively grouped closer together after the faint yet unmistakable smell of the BBQ grill came wafting over the herd - as if the very winds themselves were conspiring to unnerve an already skittish and easily panicked large-prey species into a long-overdue, out-of-control stampede or something.

"Well, I was at Wal-Mart seeing if there were any new gun magazines when I became momentarily disoriented and ended up in the meat section where some of the most beautiful ribs you ever laid eyes on just reached out to my inner-carnivore and pleaded with me to take them home - like a siren-song for high cholesterol beckoning me onto the rocks of a triple bypass or something" said Jed Flum, a local rancher. "I mean, given that I have to look at the business end of those darn cattle from dawn to dusk - you would think I would get a hankering for chicken or fish - but no sir, that just ain't the case. I'm a beef man, thru and thru" he said, desperately trying to dislodge a particularly cantankerous piece of 'sparerib' stuck between his one remaining lower tooth and dental bridge with his tongue. "So, the minute I walked into the house, I hollered at the wife to fry up some potatoes cause we were going to dine like kings" he said. "How was I to know that it would send the herd into a case of the jitters? And since when do cows have good noses? All this time and I never knew cows had good noses. Ain't that funny? Cows can smell!!! Well, I'll be derned! Will wonders never cease?" he said to no one in particular while still working at that lodged piece of meat with his surprisingly ineffective yet obviously committed tongue.

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