Aug 5, 2009

Local Grumbler Thankful For Yellow Jacket Infestation After Disappointing Mosquito Year Due To Town's Excellent Eradication Measures

Rebecca Blat, the Town's premier grumbler, griper and overall general 'pain-in-the-tush', was relieved late Thursday when she ventured into her yard to move the sprinklers and saw dozens of yellow jackets milling around the moisture and buzzing menacingly for no apparent reason. "Well, it is about time I have some aspect of the insect world to complain to the Town about!" said the grumbler extraordinaire with obvious glee. "Every year I so look forward to the mosquitoes attacking the town so I can transfer my own personal unhappiness onto others and blame all my problems on the blood-sucking fiends that the Town has historically not been able to do anything about - but this year Lamont brought in that mosquito busting team from Tekoa (Kynda Browning and John Sypher) and pretty much wiped them out - thus stealing my soapbox out from under me! I had almost three months with nothing substantial to focus my obviously abundant negativity on! Griping about my husband only goes so far! It was a living hell!" she said. "Imagine my discomfort at being able to take casual strolls on our fantastic new sidewalks (courtesy of the TIB!!!) or to go sit out on our lawn furniture without that rewarding feeling of knowing that about 1/3rd of my blood was going to be siphoned off so that I could tell everyone I know what a terrible town I live in. It was very insensitive of Lamont to kill those poor mosquitoes. What did they ever do to the Mayor and Town Council, anyway?" she concluded.

"Well, like the mosquitoes, the yellow jackets are a natural part of the vibrant ecosystem that is Eastern Washington" said Erika Logsdon, Lamont's highly efficient and insightful town historian and 'bug expert'. "As with many aspects of life, things come in cycles, and this is the normal, typical, run-of-the-mill cycle when yellow jackets emerge and provide their contribution to the larger pattern that is called 'Nature'. They are just doing what they are designed by our Creator to do and are not here to vex any single individual or family and I feel pretty certain that they would be shocked to learn that there are actual humans that place so much personal significance on their yearly activity. They are just doing what yellow jackets do, whatever that is. It is not some big conspiracy. They are bugs, for Pete's sake!" she said indignantly.

Although North America has approximately 17 different varieties of 'yellow jackets', 12 of which inhabit the Inland Northwest, the Lamont variety is largely 'non-aggressive' and likes to be left alone, but view lawn sprinklers as some sort of '6-legged' water park or something and tend to congregate where fresh water is present. As of this writing, no confirmed human/yellow jacket incidents have been reported and this peaceful coexistence is expected to continue until yet another cycle kicks in, known in some circles as 'winter', which normally drives the yellow jackets below ground until they emerge next year, usually right about this time.

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