May 15, 2010

BIAS Accounting Software Once Again Stuns Entire Technological World By Helping Area Mayor Reload "Mission Critical" Town Data

In a feat of daring, pluck and almost unbelievable bravado that brought tears to the eyes of technophiles and computer geeks the world over, the BIAS Accounting Support Desk once again shocked the Tech Support world (and themselves!) after a local Mayor called in with a brand new computer and they were able to talk/walk him thru the software installation process (Over the phone, no less! And they couldn't even use pictures or whatever!) and reinstalled the Town's accounting data in slightly more than an hour - even though most of the time was spent waiting on Lamont's stupid dial-up connection that is a shockingly sad statement on small town infrastructure in the early 21st century, if you ask me! (Oh, and who says we do not live in the age of miracles? This support effort proves that we do, indeed!) This feat of human endurance and patience by the BIAS Team ranks right up there with NASA's Apollo 13 space disaster recovery (Tom Hanks was so brave!) and, of course, Sir Edmond Hillary losing his doggone ear muffs at the 19,000 foot level but still soldiering on to conquer Mt. Everest for the first time - without the aid of modern clothing and materials, oxygen and/or those little pocket-warmer thing-a-ma-bobs! "Well, when we first got the call and I realized it was the Mayor of Lamont, I naturally cursed my luck at being the one to pick up the stupid phone" said an unnamed Support Professional who deserves a doggone raise, for crying out loud! "Anyway, after my blood returned from its ice water state, I just realized that a 'poor, lost, foolish, annoying, shockingly ignorant, borderline-Neanderthal' customer (Editorial Note: Okay, he didn't say or think those things in italics, but we added them in an attempt to be honest here and call a spade a spade! I mean, come on! Why beat around the bush?) needed my help, so I just threw myself into the seemingly hopeless problem with the reckless abandon that is the hallmark of BIAS Accounting Support, doggone it. I mean, we are here to help, and one must take the monumental challenges along with the more normal, routine ones, for Pete's sake! I just strapped myself into my ergonomically correct chair, rolled up my sleeves, said a quick prayer and prepared for the worst!" he said bravely. "Anyway, to make matters worse, the Town's new computer had Windows 7 on it, versus Windows 2000 that the Mayor used at the most rudimentary level, (Rudimentary? That is being awfully generous, don't you think?) so we had that whole navigation problem to contend with too, but somehow we managed to keep at it, often repeating the same request 10-15 times until the Mayor would finally summon up the courage to hit the "Okay" button or cut-and-paste a folder from the CD we provided the Town. (Now that personalized CD was a nice touch, too! What customer service!) By the time we were finished, needless to say, I was exhausted, covered in sweat and just sank back into my chair with that blank, '1000 mile' stare that one is only allowed to use after walking right up to the edge of some hideous abyss and returning alive (and sane!) to tell the sordid tale! I just hope that that new computer lasts for a very, very long time, for Pete's sake!" he said, eyes gazing up to the Heavens with a desperate, pleading expression. "Either that, or I hope someone else answers the doggone phone the next time that dern Mayor calls, for crying out loud!!" he concluded with a wild, desperate look in his glassy, unfocused eyes, but he was only being halfway serious. (Okay, maybe a little more than halfway, doggone it!)

"Well, BIAS Accounting is pretty darn amazing, let me tell you!" said the relieved Mayor - like a man who receives the phone call from the Governor one minute before some creepy dude in a leather mask threw the big, rusty switch in some dark, poorly painted death row cell in the bottom of some hot, steaming prison that one would expect to find in the movie "Deliverance" or whatever! "Anyway, let us just say that when it comes to those doggone computers, I pretty much make Gomer Pile look like Bill Gates or Albert Einstein or whatever. (Come to think of it, he does use the expression "SHAZAAM!" all too frequently!!) My inherent skill level is indeed very disconcerting, if one thinks about it! (Oh, don't even think of giving him a remote control or hand held electrical device of any kind!!) Anyway! I just called those poor BIAS folks up and before I knew it we had the latest and greatest software and, shazaam, I was able to logon to BIAS and see our actual data from before our computer crashed due to a power spike" he said gratefully. (Hello, people! Get a good surge protector for your computers! Don't be like Lamont! (Oh, the horror!) Be smart and protect your town - if for no other reason than to differentiate yourselves from the 2nd smallest Town in the State! Thank you!) "We love BIAS Accounting! They are simply the best and we are darn lucky to use their software in the rough-and-tumble, bare knuckles world of small town management. That's all I've got to say on the matter!" he concluded dramatically before meandering off aimlessly to goof something else up!

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