Sep 22, 2010

Lamont 'Rocked Back On Heels' Once Again As Rockford Trots Out Latest Really Cool Social Gathering Idea!

The Town of Lamont, long renowned as the epicenter of really bad bovine-related humor in the entire Pacific Northwest, was propelled into a snit when it was learned that another town, that friendly, cute and outrageously well-managed (Oh, the three things Lamont has always so sorely lacked! No wonder Lamont is peeved! Oh yeah, and that darn town has stores!) Town of Rockford, you know, that fancy town over there on the other side of the Palouse that has their own fairgrounds and who somehow, thru 'hook or crook', ended up with a really great (and real) mayor (Micki) in addition to an awesome clerk/treasurer (Darlene - or that 'doggone Darlene' as we affectionately refer to her!). (Editorial Note: Thankfully for us yet unfortunately for her, Lamont is also blessed with one of the most outrageously awesome clerk/treasurers that the world has ever known - a certain Cheryl Loeffler, whose brains, talent, knowledge, insight, savvy and general understanding of the world we live in are largely diminished by being associated with a mayor who, by definition, holds that position in name only. We at the Lamont Blog would like to apologize to Cheryl because that is the best, supposedly, that we could do at the voting booth at the time. We really dropped the ball on that one! We are sorry, Cheryl! Maybe we will do better next time!) Anyway! This exciting Rockford event, also known as the Southeast Spokane County Fair being held in that fancy fairgrounds that whoever is really in charge around here decided to place in Rockford and not Lamont (Lamont only has one park - and the darn thing is named after the home of the Beverly Hillbillies! Oh yeah, life is fair!) - drew the ire of Lamont when it was learned thru the cow-gossip underground that the theme of the event would be the delightful, funny, enchanting and possibility-filled (and annoying!) "Moo D Gras" - kind of like some huge party that is somehow related to cows - at least in the margins. This cow reference, coupled with the fact that it is being held at a fairgrounds that no sane person would have ever put in Lamont, just seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back for the second smallest town in the State, as they say!

"Well, I don't know much, but what I do know about that doggone Rockford pretty much assures me that whenever I hear their name mentioned I know somehow, some way, they are doing something that Lamont should have been doing, were we smart enough to come up with something like that!" stammered the red-faced mayor while kicking the toe of his boot into a formerly occupied mole-hole mound. "I mean, although I am racked with envy and mayoral jealousy, even thru my pettiness and small-minded, self-serving orientation I can see that that whole "Moo D Gras" thing was a stroke of pure genius! Darn their eyes! I thought at some point Lamont made it pretty clear that all things "cow" were our exclusive domain and that all other towns in Washington needed to keep their grubby hands off of them! I mean, there are dozens of different animals in the world (At last count, Lamont was able to actually identify 30!) - so why can't these other cotton pick'n towns get their own animal?" said the peevish emotional cheapskate! "But to use such a clever turn of phrase related to cows to highlight a really exciting event on September 24-26th held at the Rockford Fairgrounds (3 days? Whoa! Talk about show-offs! Lamont could never organize something that goes longer than 4 hours!) just seemed to us to be piling on a little, that's all! Oh, and all those exhibits and bands and all of that! It is just all a little too much, for Pete's sake! But the thing that really pushed me over the edge into mayoral oblivion was that whole "Kiss the Cow" contest being held on September 25th at 1:00 PM. Hey, if that ain't poaching from Lamont, what is? But we don't need no fancy date and time to do what just comes natural!" he said disturbingly!

"Anyway, I would just encourage everyone to drive over to beautiful Rockford to see that travesty of justice for themselves and to take an inventory of all the really cool, clever, fun and rewarding things that that rabble over there in Rockford came up with that Lamont should have thought of! Yes, this sort of creativity needs to be nipped in the bud, if you ask me!" he fumed! (Oh yeah, and don't forget the "Harvest Hoops" on Sunday, Sept 26th! Of course, people in Lamont just naturally assumed that that was some sort of new breakfast cereal or whatever, but we guess it is somehow related to 3-on-3 basketball or something. We have high hopes that some sort of delicious breakfast cereal will be available for the event, however, now that they got our 'hankering up' for a new and exciting breakfast treat! It doesn't seem that there will be a problem obtaining milk!)

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