The Lamont 'Greater Metropolitan Area', never known for being 'early adopters' in many aspects of modern human existence, was thrown into 'a twitter' after the "Old Blat Spread" was sold to some 'newcomer' who, by his very nature, is destined to bring in any number of 'high-fluting' (that means 'modern' and thus quite unnecessary!) ideas that are sure to upset the time tested patterns that have served the Lamont area so well since time immemorial. "Oh, that is all we need now!" lamented Goober Snopes, voted "Hunter/Gatherer of the Year" four years in a row! "Just when I got the notion that things have finally settled down after that whole 'irrigation vs rain god prayers ' debacle and the great 'plow vs stone hand-shovel' debate' (Oh, please don't even mention the advantages of the 'bow and arrow' over the throwing spear to him! Oh, please don't go there! We will end up being stuck here for hours!), along comes this obviously advanced species of farmer/rancher (who just might catch the eye of the ladies, and who needs that kind of competition, for Pete's sake!) who is likely to go introducing who knows what kind of farming devilry (that is code for new farming tools and techniques!) and new ideas (pronounced 'idears") on how we should conduct ourselves as a Town!" he fumed. "I just don't understand what is wrong with those tired and well-worn 'hunter/gatherer' ways that served my pappy so well and his pappy before him and all the way back to the time the entire Town descended from Cain after that whole unfortunate 'Abel Incident' any number of years ago. (Sadly, after Goober's grandfather, the specifics of the paternal line become more than a little murky - although that purported scandal is outside the scope of this highly-focused, sociology-centric article!) We don't want no change 'round here, dadburn it! Can't the world just leave us alone as we eek out a shockingly substandard living 'the old way'?" said Goober while kicking his homemade deerskin sandal in the dirt that he still turns over by hand every year since everyone knows that even a horse-drawn plow is the work of the 'devil' himself. "Next thing you know someone will want to start paving, improving 'this-or-that' and maybe even painting a building or two! (yes, that would be controversial, indeed!) We just can't stand for that sort of modern 'mumbo-jumbo' in these parts! he bellowed. "I don't care what no one says, my flint ax is just as good as any of them steel axes you can buy - and I get to knap my own tools right at home as the wife grinds out our corn (on her knees in the dirt under a blazing sun!) on that perfectly good grinding stone I found for her, thus saving me trips to that 'big city' where I might be exposed to who knows what kind of new-fangled ideas (yes, he pronounced it 'idears' AGAIN!) or what not!" he stammered huffily. "Those socially-sophisticated know-it-alls should just stay where they belong in those huge towns like Tekoa and Colfax where other people appreciate their 'big city ways'!!!" he sniveled insanely."Well, as we all know, Lamont is not one of those towns that adapts well to change - and nothing spooks the heck out of area folk more than having someone overturn the apple cart of long self-serving tradition and seemingly insane practices that went out of fashion several millennia before the early bronze age!" said the Mayor while rubbing two sticks together for a fire. "Let's just say that the concept of anything new just scares the 'be-jeebers' out of a lot of people and makes them feel inadequate and threatened. On a positive note, although no one within a 10 mile radius knows how to build a single thing, (some societal activities can become forgotten thru lack of use) Lamont is regionally famous for fixing just about anything - with a special emphasis on 'patching the previous patch!' - a skill that appears to be highly developed only in isolated sub-cultures often dominated by social introverts and unbelievable cheapskates! Anyway! I have not met that 'new farmer' guy yet, but I for one will gladly embrace someone with some new ideas rattling around in their outrageously shaggy head. I just hope the existing citizens/farmers don't put the 'Corn Curse' on him or somehow try some other mischief on him before he has a chance to settle in good and proper. Change can indeed be traumatic, especially in Lamont, but that isn't a reason to go getting all 'pagan' and 'devilish' on a person just because they might be more in tune with the 'so-called' modern times than we are. Lamont should be big enough for the 'stubborn, Luddite-like laggards' and the people with some new ideas too! Nothing in this world remains in a vacuum, regardless of how hard the 'old timers' try to make it so! (that just ain't natural!) Can't we all just get along and move out of the dark ages?" he concluded naively while looking over his shoulder to see if someone left another one of those all-too-common "Corn Curse' scarecrows in his own doggone yard (The mayor has quite a collection at this point - one worthy of the Smithsonian!), as seems to be the pattern every couple of weeks or so, for Pete's sake!
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