Jan 3, 2010

Tensions Mount After Smug Area Cat Smacks Unsuspecting Neighbor Cat "Upside The Head" In "Crime Of Opportunity"

An atmosphere of uneasiness descended like an ominous storm cloud upon the 2nd smallest Town in the State after an area tomcat, known simply as "Thor", reached down and thumped a seemingly innocent neighbor cat 2-3 times (in less than a dadburn second, for Pete's sake!) on the exposed forehead after it inadvertently walked too close to the bench where the recalcitrant tomcat was lounging in what passes for sunshine in January in the Palouse. Thor, a gray and white rabble rouser, although feigning sleep, was able to reach out and assault the surprised visiting cat that was just apparently 'passing thru' to see what the heck was going on 'over yonder' - and was caught completely by surprise by the paw-like blur that appeared to "come out of nowhere" - thus unsettling what was otherwise a very warm and peaceful winter day in the Palouse.

"Well, I was minding my own business, pretending to take out the trash for the third time that day and I saw the whole doggone thing!" said Thelma Bodine, 56, an area farm wife/busybody. "I was checking to see if any of my neighbors had anything new in their yards or if they had bothered to finally take down the Christmas lights yet when I happened to see that more-than-slightly obese gray cat just lounging to beat all I ever seen on that bench in the neighbor's backyard (that nice new bench, by rights, should have been taken out of the weather last fall, for goodness sake! But nooo! Everyone is too busy for basic preventive maintenance in this Town!) when all of a sudden that sweet neighbor cat, apparently ignorant of her impending peril, walked right under the bench and into the buzz saw that is Thor's paw. It was all very sudden and unsettling! The neighbor cat never knew what hit her. She just looked up in stunned horror and ran at full speed back to her own yard. And for his part, Thor never even bothered to move more than the offending paw. That cat is one cool customer, let me tell you!" she said respectfully while nervously kneading her tattered and well-worn kitchen apron in anticipation of another potential ruckus.

Although accounts tend to differ somewhat, it would seem that no claws were in fact used and thus no actual injuries were reported. (other than bruised feline pride at falling prey to such a well-crafted although seemingly obvious ambush, doggone it!) (hindsight is indeed 20-20!) The much-loved tomcat, Thor, an indoor/outdoor cat of some renown, claims that he just responded 'out of instinct' when seeing something furry go bobbing by and that there was no actual malice or ill-intent in his apparently random actions - although the victim reports a surprisingly long series of 'altercations' - most of which appear to be minor in nature although several reportedly involved getting chased up an area tree. Although no legal action has been taken as of this writing, both cats have been encouraged to stay 50+ feet from each other and have agreed not to go to the bathroom in each other's backyard for a period of 30 days.

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