Apr 5, 2010

The Lamont Blog Turns 200! (stories, that is!) (Yes, now you must read them ALL, doggone it!)

The Lamont Blog is, for the most part, nonsensical horseplay - silly perhaps - fitful at the best of times - but largely symbolic of not very much. It's meant to be that way, doggone it! (we are the 2nd smallest Town in the State, for Pete's sake! There just ain't a lot to drone on about!) If it were a "serious" endeavor or profound social commentary on local conditions and/or personalities, which it's not (we have the sworn testimony of a sizable segment of this rural area for this, and we know they mean that as a compliment because they usually put the word 'serious' in quotes - right after other salty words that we shudder to repeat here! Gasp!) we might describe it as a ham-fisted commentary on a broader culture that seems to have forgotten the principle of fun for fun's sake and become obsessed with misery (mainly their own!), disaster (hopefully someone else's!), illness (ditto on their own!), operations, violence, that phony climate change, lingering guilt, seemingly stubborn obesity, bad cooking (always someone else's!), cow prices, gas prices, milk prices, Angelina Jolie, politics (oh, please don't mention that poor Obama around here!), and a general sense of impending and inescapable (and well-deserved!) doom! But not being intended as serious or meaty, as the literary or journalistic worlds understand these oft-misused terms, we can offer no such pretentious excuse for ourselves other than it is all we got! The Lamont Blog is simply the occasional taking off on what any half-way decent 8 year-old would call a frolic in its own right - written to be completely over the top for the most part, and should be taken for the fun of it - especially if you are on psychotropic medications and/or tend to get all emotional and angry at things beyond your immediate control. (yes, this is a lame attempt to cut down on our quite voluminous and spirited local hate mail! What energy they have! What pluck!) In that spirit we gladly offer farmer/rancher cultural insights (who would have guessed they were so touchy?), cow psychology, small town delusions of grandeur, innumerable Mayor mishaps, seething town rivalries and the like. All the parrot stories are true, however! (Hey, don't forget the wiener dogs! What is Lamont without our doggone wiener dogs?) There is no mole-hill we cannot turn into an entire mountain range of some sort! If for some strange reason you read this Blog and see yourself being described here, our suggestion would be to seek professional help, go on decaf and/or stop thinking about yourself so darn much! But hopefully there will be the occasional story that prompts some form of recognition in others - and then we would encourage you to gleefully crow over that realization without mercy and derive tremendous amounts of pleasure and satisfaction at the unfortunate victim's always enjoyable discomfort and pained uneasiness at finally being found out! What else do you have to do right now? I mean, come on! Thank you! Signed, The largely under-appreciated and misunderstood yet shockingly (some would say annoyingly!) resilient Lamont Blog staff! (from our secret, undisclosed location where we like to hang out with Dick Cheney!)

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