In a stunning display of uncharacteristic bravado and panache, the painfully subdued and obviously color adverse 2nd smallest Town in the State went 'hog wild' (some would say 'plum crazy'!) and actually painted their decades old fire station (which was shocking enough - given that it was just exposed concrete block for at least the last 5 decades or so!) (and what the heck is wrong with that?) - and, against all local common wisdom, they also chose colors outside of the drab, boring, earthy yet obviously well loved 'Lamont color wheel' that has seemed to govern municipal decision-making for the last 100 years or so - assuming the lazy beggers ever got off of their somewhat padded duffs and managed to paint anything at all! (Why paint in the first place when you will just have to paint again later? That don't make no sense!) The now spunky and electrifying fire station, rumored to be visible with the naked eye from the Space Shuttle, is situated in the vastly improved Town Park and has been a decidedly depressing mixture of miscellaneous water stains and rust streaks for as long as anyone can remember. (And your point is?) "Whoa! What in dern tarnation did they go and do now?" bellowed Festus Festoon, 56, an area farmer/rancher. "I ain't seen that much color since the wife somehow accidentally fell into that strategically located poison ivy and stinging nettle patch (or was she indeed pushed as she now claims?) the one and only time I could ever talk the dern woman into taking a romantic late night honeymoon swim with me! Whoa, that woman swelled up like a smoked sausage - and them colors she displayed just weren't natural for no human being, at least none I ever heard tale of!" he said unsympathetically, fondly reminiscing those happier days! "Dang! Now every time I look at that dern building I am going to have to agonize over why I ever married that contrary and mean-spirited woman in the first place! (Blame the beer, you fool!) Thanks loads, Lamont! You really know how to hurt a guy, don't you?" he shuddered."Well, I was driving down 8th street peering into everyone's backyard to see what the heck was really going on around here, trying to mind my own business like I always do, when all of a sudden my optic nerve became totally discombobulated and I dang near drove right into the ditch!" said Erma Bodine, 62, an area farm wife/outrageous snoop/unbelievable busybody. "In the good old days when you thought about Lamont, you would think of weather beaten decay and a general lack of interest in maintenance of any kind! There is something soothing about seeing buildings and such decay at the same rate (or faster!) than you do! (Whoa! Now that is fast decay!) Letting things go untended was the Lamont way, but all of a sudden that dern Council got all caught up in some fit of cleaning up and painting and all of that - and they are darn near ruining the doggone place! Before this latest episode of madness, I could always congratulate myself because my ugly, weather-beaten house always looked a little bit better than the shockingly neglected and poorly maintained Town buildings - but now they are going to make me look bad! Talk about a stupid use of tax dollars, for Pete's sake! If I wasn't a convicted felon, I would try to vote them out of office the next time one of them fancy elections or whatever comes around. Now I have no choice but to attempt the impossible and pressure my good-for-nothing husband to stop making all of those unfortunate noises and get up off the dangerously sagging couch and do something about the way our place looks! Like I can see that happening! NOT! That doggone Town has gone too far this time! They are about to get a piece of my mind, I tell you!" said the enraged matron who really doesn't have that much 'mind' to spare, if one were to be honest!
For the record, a vast majority of the citizenry seems more than a little pleased with the bold 'color statement' that is, in fact, indicative of Lamont's somewhat reluctant entry into the 19th century and have taken to this drastic change with surprising openness and acceptance (for Lamont, that is!). Given this tentative success, the Town's governing body will, more than likely, continue to enhance the appearance of the Town with actual color - although details are still undetermined - but it is safe to assume that brown, gray and 'that color of dead grass' seem to be off of the selection criteria for the first time, thank goodness! (This troubling pro-color trend actually started when Lamont, quite uncharacteristically, designed an official 'town logo' that brazenly used those avant garde (and Commie-loving!) colors green and yellow, (oh, you should have heard the fire storm over that one!) and like the proverbial camel's nose getting under the tent flap, the doggone Town has amazingly proceeded to introduce color into just about everything they do now - in spite of a continual low-level backlash against anything new - especially things that don't now look 60+ neglectful years old like they should.)
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