In a demographic landslide of epic proportions that has the Town of Lamont feeling all spunky and full of themselves, an area Mayor did a simple math calculation that somehow put a rare positive spin on the otherwise cloudy horizon of being the second smallest Town in the State - even though Lamont is slap dab right in the middle of a demographically challenged portion of the Inland Northwest that doesn't seem like it will be getting any better anytime soon. (Dang it, man! Why can't wheat and cattle production be more labor intensive, for Pete's sake? Whoever said that the Industrial Revolution was a good thing! Stupid combustion engine! It's ruined this country!!!) Sadly, this calculation, normally routine for even the most lethargic of 5th graders, consumed well over 90% of the Mayor's cognitive capacity for the day and gave him an excuse to walk around town whining - holding a stupid ice pack to his forehead while pathetically groaning and looking for cheap sympathy from everyone he stumbled across (fat chance finding that around here!) - although, in reality, this somewhat contrived numerical comparison only serves to prove, once again, that statistics can be used to support just about anything if utilized in just the right way! "Well, I don't mean to brag or nothing, but I just took our current population estimate, subtracted the smallest town's population estimate from that - and then divided that number by our population estimate!" (What!! He used the same number twice in the same calculation? Gasp! What recklessness! What gumption! What creativity in the face of mathematical convention!) "I know, I know - it does seem like some sort of math wizardry or whatever, but when you are the Mayor of a thriving metropolis like Lamont (the envy of all in far, far northwest Whitman County!), people just expect you to step up and solve those big, vexing problems that crop up from time to time - even if they involve that most exacting of task masters - that doggone math! To be honest, I didn't know I had it in me - but that is why they pay me the big bucks, I guess" said the non-salaried public servant (and worth every cent!) with an all too annoying look of smug self-satisfaction that 82% of the population of Lamont would give a kidney to smack off of his face once and for all! "Anyway, higher mathematics can and does take its toll on even the best of us, so I guess I will be taking the day off tomorrow. I am pretty certain I have the vacation time" he rambled insanely, given that Lamont is so small that they cannot provide basic benefits like vacation time - especially for people who do not draw a salary in the first place because of questionable worth and dubious contributions to stated Town goals. "Hey, maybe there will be a Bonanza or Big Valley marathon on or something! If I am going to recuperate, I might as well stay on the cutting edge of the farmer/rancher way of life, for Pete's sake. And you know what they say, 'there is no rest for the wicked' when you are a small town Mayor!" he chuckled, still deluding himself that he is some sort of math wizard or whatever - when in fact everyone will just be happy he is staying home and not hanging around the office getting in the way, goofing stuff up and being a general pain in the tush!
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