Apr 15, 2010

Tragic Development: Initial Reports Indicate That Long Beach Is Even Nicer Than Previously Thought

In yet another withering blow to the already tenuous and teetering concept of municipal self-worth (like we need any more of those!), word came back to the lowly yet largely misunderstood 2nd smallest Town in the State that the original horrific estimates of the outrageous charm and livability of that constant thorn in Lamont's side, Long Beach, were largely underestimated and that, in fact, that doggone Town is just as "cute as a button" (and don't forget how well planned it is!). This ominous news, sent back to Lamont by a wayward and potentially insane Councilperson, came like a bolt from the blue and immediately sent the Lamont Mayor into pitiful seclusion where rumors of wailing and gnashing of teeth abound. (Rumors of a 'hair shirt' have yet to be substantiated.)

"Oh, it is just so nice here! I love it!" said the Lamont Councilperson who must have forgot to pack her medications or something. "I expected it to be nice and all, but this is really a neat Town! Oh, the whole peninsula is just so wonderful! I am not sure I want to go back to Lamont with all of those unfortunate cow smells and where half the population is named Festus! (even the women!) There is just so much life here! And they obviously have an abundance of mayoral management talent that we definitely lack back there in the Palouse" said the crazed lunatic. "It is easy to get stuck in a routine and to forget that wonderful little gems like Long Beach are just a few short hours away by car. I definitely want to come back. Maybe I can move over here at some point, too!" said the tragically lost, confused, befuddled (and traitorous!) Councilperson who has obviously taken leave of her senses!

"Well, sure - this does come as an unfortunate and staggering blow!" said the Lamont Mayor thru the crack in his door that he has refused to open since receiving the first nightmarish reports of the actual outstanding conditions of Long Beach as a vacation wonderland. "Of course I had any number of fantasies about her trip that somehow incorporated killer bees, invading armies, biblical-like plagues involving frogs and the like - but obviously those prayers went unanswered! I mean, was a simple flat tire (or two) too much to ask for. Anyway, that cosmic rejection was to be expected, I guess - but who would have even dreamed that that darn Long Beach would turn out to be even nicer than originally thought - especially since we already knew that they were a bunch of fancy-pants (by Lamont standards!) tourist hogs! Oh yeah, life is fair!" he whined before returning to his darkened abode where he can mope and obsessively wring his hands (when he is not shaking his fist in the general direction of the Pacific Ocean, that is!)

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