Nov 20, 2008

Animal Update: Local Skunks Slighted As Lavish Attention Showered On Lamont Raccoons

In spite of their numerous acts of mischief and general “bad boy” reputation, the burgeoning Lamont skunk population is largely overlooked as undue attention is devoted on their natural rivals – the equally mischievous yet remarkably cute raccoon population. “Well, although their destructive behaviors are indeed similar, raccoons tend to capture the popular imagination to a greater degree than the lowly, largely misunderstood skunk” said Dr. Wilma Pinkerton, a local animal behaviorist. "Indeed, both species tend to get into the garbage, eat cat food in the garage and screech like banshees during their brief yet memorable mating seasons. So why is one hunter/scavenger universally loved while the other is associated with any number of unpleasant social references? That is truly puzzling” she said. “Sure, skunks are stigmatized because of their unfortunate odor, but on average they only produce that frightful, life-changing stench when cornered, scared and/or confronted by overly pushy Jehovah’s Witnesses. Raccoons just tend to hiss, charge in groups of 8-10 and generally make one heck of a racket. Maybe that has something to do with it” she said reflectively.

“In spite of the obviously obnoxious yet admirable qualities of both mammals and their inherent behavioral similarities, the cute, fluffy, adorable, devil-may-care raccoons, unlike the skunks, have human-like eye patches and, either fortunately or unfortunately, no sane man (including that trail blazer and American icon Daniel Boone) ever considered making a “skunk-skin cap” because of the obvious negative associations held by human females for such head gear. And unlike more than 96% of the human population, raccoons always wash their hands before each meal. So, although unfair, man’s natural preference for and overall interest in raccoons over skunks is not only logical and rational – it is based on our deep-seated need for social acceptance and belonging to the community at large. We tend to gravitate towards those human characteristics in animals that we like and shy away from the ones that make us less comfortable or remind us of that uncle from Idaho that no one ever talks about and who regrettably invited himself to Thanksgiving again this year” she said.

1 comment:

The Ripleys Don't Believe It Either said...

You said, "no sane man (including that trail blazer and American icon Daniel Boone) ever considered making a 'skunk-skin cap' because of the obvious negative associations held by human females for such head gear."

Au contraire, mon frere!

Apparently you are unfamiliar with the Skunk People of Florida: men and women living together in primitive conditions under the "L" in Everglades. TV shows have tried to sensationalize them as a cryptozoological anomaly, giving them needlessly harsh monikers like "Skunk Ape".

In reality, they are descended from a band of hippies who left Haight-Ashbury to live out an eden ahbez-inspired Nature Boy existence. The skunk aspect comes up as a natural part of living in the incredibly humid sub-tropics and never showering.