Nov 27, 2008

Thanksgiving Update: Area Dog ‘Thankful’ After Being Given Cat Food Sandwich During Halftime Celebration

Although the Seahawks were getting soundly throttled, the potatoes were lumpy again this year and Uncle Jethro brought his new 'girlfriend' to the family-oriented celebration, at least one member of the Snopes household was happy and thankful this day – the beloved 2 year old mixed breed and decidedly mediocre watchdog Boomer. “Well, being a dog, he does not know the meaning of the word 'chewing', so it is kind of counter-productive to give him anything good. All he ever does is woof it down and look up with those sad, sweet eyes like I am some sort of doggie treat machine and he is a nickel short of correct change. So, to give him his favorite thing in the world – wet cat food, does not make much sense given that it takes longer to open the can than it does for him to eat it. Why should I even bother?” said Boomer’s food provider and designated pooper-scooper (and mother of 3). “Although to him this mysterious concoction is the forbidden ‘nectar of the gods’ since we feed the cats on top of the dryer, all he has been able to do up to now is smell it as the cats look down on him and hiss. So, instead of throwing away the last 2 pieces of stale Roman Meal, I decided to make a quick sandwich with the leftover cat food (which more or less turned me away from a second piece of pumpkin pie, thank goodness) and gave it to him. I could not believe it!! It was like he died and went to doggie heaven. I haven't seen that much rump shaking since my high school prom only a few short years ago." said the woman who graduated in the 1980's. "It looked like an actual human sandwich (which he loves but gets very rarely) but smelled like what the cats eat and what he has always been, according to him, so unfairly denied. Although our day was indeed ruined by the common potato and that presumptuous, know-it-all hussy with the bad dye job (come on, does anyone think that color of red occurs naturally in nature? I mean get real!) that Uncle Jethro brought into our home, at least Boomer gave proof to the age old adage – every dog does indeed have his day – although tomorrow he is back on dry food - regardless of how many sad, pitiful looks he throws my way!!” she said firmly.

1 comment:

Uncontrollable Emesis said...

HEY! That was MY sandwich!

Wait a sec, did you say "actual human sandwich"? We have cannibals in Lamont? OMG, it's worse than I thought.

On the other hand, I haven't received a love bite in a while. Where do I go to be a human sandwich? Just kidding; I've seen your women. [cue the creepy music] Is that a wicker man in the thicket behind the grain elevator?

I suppose it was only a matter of time before locals started eating the "other white meat". Unfortunately, the message was skewed and something has gone horribly wrong.

Given this new information, don't ask me to eat "hot dogs" in town anymore. It might be made from someone's Wiener! Dog, that is.

Have you seen the new greeting in town? While saying hi, stick a finger as far back into your mouth as it will go.

Random thought for the day:
as a defense against attack, turkey vultures produce foul-smelling vomit. How long will it be before doctors try to create a new pharmaceutical drug from it?