Nov 15, 2008

Town of Lamont Adopts CB Radio Slang As Official 'Second Language'

In an effort to embrace differing cultures and reach out to a long underserved but substantial segment of the citizenry, the Town of Lamont has agreed that all future communications held within the Town limits will also be conducted in that All-American slang form made famous in such movie classics as “Smokey and the Bandit” and “Smokey and the Bandit II”. “That’s a big 10-4” said the Mayor. “Although we are a small town, we might as well be Spokane when it comes to miscommunications and verbal snafus. Given the differing education and demographic levels that we have, it was determined that what we needed was a unifying communication standard that cuts across all socio-economic barriers - barriers that can naturally lead to strife and discord” he said expansively. “At first we pondered the classic, unifying languages like Latin or Esperanto, but that would require a lot of book learning - and that is how we got into this mess in the first place. Then we considered the ‘Queen’s English’, but we have a hard enough time with the regular kind so that was just asking for trouble. So, after a process of elimination, we agreed that the only thing that would work is some form of abbreviated communication style – preferably derived from some time-tested aspect of the popular culture – and since every family in town had dozens of those cheesy, predictable (yet highly inspirational) trucker movies from the 1970’s, it seemed like the logical choice” he said proudly. “Plus, all it takes is one trip to the pawn shop and $10, and you can communicate across town and around the Palouse with a real CB radio without getting out of your long-johns and fuzzy slippers. In many ways it will help Lamont become more 'cosmopolitan'. "

"Oh, look at the time. I lost track of the 'big hand'. I better put the hammer down", said the Mayor as he dashed off to cut the ribbon at the new 6th street extension that has brought so much joy to the town. “I’ll keep ‘my ears on’ so ‘the Bears” don’t start breathing down our necks, come on back!! If I see 'cherries in bloom' (flashing lights), I'll check my '20' and point my chariot towards 'Bean Town'. The 'Big Bear' (Sheriff) tends to frown at large, unruly mobs milling around aimlessly in the middle of the street, 10-4. Over and out.” he said as he marched off, attempting to form an ad hoc 'convoy' to drive over to the new road grand opening before finally giving up and walking over alone in the rain..


Brian Barker said...

Apparently London Mayor Boris Johnson, wants Latin to be taught in all London schools. However I would prefer Esperanto on the basis that it has great propaedeutic values.

If you have time can I ask you for evidence?

Fog Lifter said...

What if we combined the language of Shakespeare with CB slang?

"O Romeo, Romeo, what is your 20?"

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, got your ears on?"

"Brevity is the soul of wit, good buddy."

Wisely and slow; they stumble that blow my doors off."

"I do now remember the poor creature, small beer. Don't need a DUI tonight."

"Cry 'Havoc,' and give the slip to the bear for the rockin' chair."

Spend a double nickel on 23 for me. I'm down 'n gone.