Nov 11, 2008

Area Teen Discovers "Over-The-Counter Remedy ” In Trick-Or-Treat Bag – Older Sister Considered Prime Suspect

After a vigorous night of trick-or-treating in the outrageously well-managed and forward-looking town of Lamont, a local youth made a disturbing discovery as he surveyed the loot from the night’s visitations. “Well, I know I am getting a little old to go door to door, but I am short for my age and figured I could pull it off one last time. So, needless to say, this Halloween experience was important to me and I was looking forward to a night that I could cherish for the rest of my life!!!” said the traumatized teen. “When I came home, I set my bag down for just a minute to see if there was any good candy left in our bowl – and that is when it must have happened. Until that brief moment, the bag was never out of my sight!! I can't even feel safe in my own home, for Pete’s sake!!!” he fumed. “I can’t imagine anyone else in town who would do this, so all signs point directly at my stupid sister. Only she would stoop so low!!! Why couldn’t I have been born in another family?” he said despairingly.

The sister, age 16, proclaims her innocence in the strongest terms and says she was in the backyard with the dog at the time of the alleged “incident”. “Oh, he is such a whiner!!” said the sister. “The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, and as long as he is in denial there is just no hope. I can think of 20 people who would have loved to slip some ‘Beano’ in his candy bag - like the whole doggone school bus!! Hello!!! I am just sad that it doesn't come in handy 55 gallon drums – why beat around the bush with half measures?” she said sympathetically but with an eye on economies of scale. "As we all know, desperate times require desperate measures - but that is just supposition on my part - given my air-tight alibi and all" said the thoughtful, obviously protective sister. Sadly, the male youth is still recovering from the troubling discovery of ‘acne medicine’ in last years Halloween bag. The above referenced sister was also accused in that incident – although charges were dropped for lack of evidence.

1 comment:

Local Teen said...

I had been wanting to take drugs ever since my parents and teachers started telling me not to, so when I got that acne medicine last year, that was it! I said "Down the hatch!" and drank the whole bottle. The nauseating taste made me blow chunks for hours. That's when I took a second look at the bottle and realized it was an ointment.