Nov 1, 2008

Flashback: Councilman Placed In Eye Patch After Minor Injury; Threatens To “Keel-haul the Scallywags”

After being placed in a temporary eye patch after receiving a minor scratch to the eyeball during a hailstorm, a Council Member is quietly recovering at home on a treatment plan of limes, grog, hardtack and salt pork. “Well, I’ll shiver his timbers if he calls me a galley wench one more time!!!” said his loving, perplexed wife. “He just struts around all day, slashing the air with the yardstick shouting “Aarrrgh” and ‘Shiver me timbers’. I keep hiding that fake bird he thinks is a real parrot before anyone sees it on his shoulder – but he says he won’t tell me where he hid the treasure – or worse, he’ll leave me stranded on some place called 'Skeleton Island' if I don’t give it back. Oh, what do I do?” said the confused wife who prefers sappy romance novels.

“Well, I came by to check on him to see how the eye was and I was shocked by the transformation” said a local pastor. “He kept saying something about putting a broadside into my rigging and how rogues don’t need no fancy church talk. And I won’t even mention all of the holes he dug in the back yard while reading some worn, dirty piece of paper written in what he said was ‘land-lubber blood’. So I just said a quick prayer with his wife before he could pin me to the yardarm with Black Beard’s cutlass or send me to visit Davy Jones’ Locker” said the concerned pastor who enjoys reading a good Western and, of course, the Bible.

“Anyway, we go back to the doctor on Tuesday to get the patch off – and I sure hope I can keep him from making the poor dog walk the plank until then” said the sweet wife. “I just wish he had watched “Fantasy Island‘ and not ‘Treasure Island’ on TV that day. He could have been Mr. Roarke or Tattoo. That would’ve been so much easier” she said.

1 comment:

Michael said...

Scratched his eyeball on a hailstorm? That makes him a finalist on "Lamont's Got Talent!" I sense a hug from Jerry Springer coming on!

But seriously, was the incident preceded by the interjection, "What the hail's going on out there?" Or maybe he was doing a "Hail Mary" and got carried away.

It all makes sense, really. It's Halloween time, people give out Jolly Roger candy on Halloween, pirates hoist the Jolly Roger, Dave is a pirate now. Yes, I can see how it all fits.

The problem will be getting the patch removed. It comes off Tuesday, which is election day, the day we celebrate politicians. He might get some crazy notion to run for town council. Oh wait, he did that already. Ok, never mind.