Nov 18, 2009

Lamont Time Capsule: Remembering The Town Water System Before Century West Engineering

As we all know, change is hard for some people, and this is particularly true in small town America where the cherished traditions from our past are looked upon with the reverence and comfort that only the ages can convey. The old Lamont water system, built by a vanished cabal of enterprising 'go-getters' in our murky, distant past (any date before 1950!), was recently replaced by the taxpayers of this great nation (USDA-RD, CDBG, Dept of Commerce, etc!) under the stern and exacting eye of a new breed of enlightened and enterprising builders - an advanced breed of men and women known as "Century West Engineering" from the far-flung distant land of Spokane Valley. (Spokane and Spokane Valley - the Lamont equivalent of Babylon or whatever - is where myths and rumors abound regarding giants and wizards and highly efficient women who raise/rescue parrots and all of that and where people have never even raised a cow from a calf (yes, they do exist!) - although the stately Lamont Blog as a media outlet prefers to stick to the cold, hard facts and shies away from mindless superstition and primitive 'mumbo-jumbo', however, thank you very much - although we do tend to spit 3 times and throw salt over our shoulder anytime we get a nasty hate mail letter!) (which, sadly, is not that rare of an occurrence these days, especially from the locals!)

The old water system, built with stone tools out of the very bedrock of the earth itself, used gravity to funnel the fickle liquid from some far-off mountain redoubt where it could water the lawns and gardens of the 2nd smallest Town in the State. In contrast, the new water system relies on space age materials like 'metal' and 'PVC' and, although basically a gravity-fed system, incorporates the almost magical and somewhat suspect properties of a new-fangled invention (electricity!) to bring the water out of the very ground itself. (yes, that is hard to believe but true!) "Well, I don't understand any of it, that goes without saying, its all some strange 'voodoo' to me, but I am just thankful that we no longer have to declare war on Adams County (not to mention Sprague!) every couple of years in order to capture prisoners so that we can employ their somewhat forced labor to maintain the miles and miles of aqueduct just so I can get a sip of water, doggone it!" said the perplexed yet relieved Mayor to no one in particular. "Lamont is largely a peace loving town, so mindless conquest and martial prowess run counter to our peaceful (and lazy!) natures, as you know!"

"Sure, now we have to learn to read 'gauges' and 'read-outs' and all of that Star Trek sort of thing, but at least I no longer have to get up at the crack of dawn and drive my chariot to some far-off locale (fake plastic bullwhip in hand - wearing a fetching toga, of course!) to make sure those 'prisoners-of-war' are maintaining the doggone thing" he stammered. "I ain't sure how they did it, but let me tell you, Century West Engineering knows how to make a Mayor happy! Now if they could just help us figure out that whole "Solar calendar thing" so we could calculate the time and the date, then we could bring a whole new level of order and prosperity to Lamont. (And so that we could plant our wheat at the right time of the year, every year - and not just whenever the fancy strikes us!) (Note: The Bodine Clan prefers to plant in mid-winter when the soil is harder than concrete - yet the Snopes Clan only plant in mid-summer when it is over 100 degrees and won't rain until well into the Autumn! Somehow there has to be a happy medium if we could only figure it out, for Pete's sake!!) But one thing at a time. We don't like to rush into things here, as you know - and our current use of the somewhat clunky lunar calendar ain't that bad, really! I just wish 29.53 days divided evenly into 365.24 days, that's all!"

No comments: