Nov 13, 2009

Local Mayor Regrets Offering Surplus 'Hubba-Bubba" To Council Meeting Spectators

In an all too telling example of bad manners bearing a bitter harvest, a local Mayor was taught any number of valuable lessons (that he should have learned in the 3rd grade!!) about the importance of sharing and the inevitable pitfalls of having something that others do not have and about being thoughtless in one's own personal habits as they relate to those around us in an august, staid, and solemn setting like a classroom or a Lamont Town Council meeting. "Well, as I came sauntering into the Town Hall a few minutes before the meeting start time, I guess my mind was on the weighty burdens of leadership and the stark realities of our somewhat tattered democratic institutions so I must have forgotten to spit my gum out before sitting down to call the meeting to order" said the deeply moved and contrite Mayor. "Well, as luck would have it, in the audience was one of our overly 'school marmish' citizens who, I am sure, was a terror to young school children for any number of decades (at least 6 or 7!), and when she saw me so demurely smacking my gum, she immediately piped up with a "Well, Mr. Mayor. If it is okay for you to chew gum, then I presume that you have brought enough for the rest of the class!" (darn her beady little eyes!).

"So, feeling my oats (and sporting a new 30 pack of my favorite bubble gum), I immediately whipped it out of my pocket with a flourish (after a brief dramatic pause that had the audience panting with anticipation!) and said "Why yes, madam, indeed I did!" and proceeded to distribute the precious cargo amongst a segment of the obviously ravenous rabble that so often frequent our monthly Town meetings" he said smugly. (sadly, the Town meetings are the only 'blood sport' in Lamont - and the blood thirsty miscreants, of which Lamont is not lacking in number, flock to it in droves like it was a bare-knuckles prize fight or a cage match or something). "And before I could even get to the 'Mayor's Report' the whole room was filled with the festive aroma of that special 'Hubba-Bubba' watermelon flavor (at least that was somewhat of an improvement!) and my senses were being overloaded with the loud din of smacking and popping and my eyes were drawn to an endless sea of bubbles rising and falling with no identifiable pattern. It was all very disconcerting!" he whined despairingly. "So, I guess I learned my lesson, after all. In the future I will have to somehow misinform the school-marmish biddy on the date and time of future council meetings! (or try to get the battle ax interested in the school board or something!). Sure, this will take time and effort on my part, but come on, being a Mayor has to have some prerogatives, doggone it!!! he bellowed with somewhat overblown self-righteous indignation before sauntering off to stuff the last of the water meters for winter and to pick up any loose trash (including gum wrappers!) blowing around in the park.

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