Nov 17, 2009

Town Streetlight Out For Over 2 Years But No One Bothered To Tell The Mayor

In a darkness-related metaphor that is shocking in its comprehensiveness, a critical streetlight at a key intersection in the Town has been 'non-operational' for over two years, yet no one bothered to tell the one individual who can get those sort of things repaired, doggone it! A majority of the townsfolk, obviously disconnected on almost every level from the bustling metropolis where they reside and own property, apparently feel that some 'all-knowing and all-seeing eye' exists to make their lives function smoothly and feel no compunction whatsoever to participate in the civic/infrastructure life of Lamont - even at the most rudimentary of levels. "Well, the offending streetlight is in a part of town that, thru form and practice, I just never get around to after nightfall, for some reason" said the puzzled Mayor who admits to a certain level of 'nyctophobia' - or 'fear of the dark'. (we won't even mention his crushing levels of bovine-o-phobia or the troubling and as yet unnamed fear of big burly women who once served in the Navy!) "So, when I heard that a certain stretch of road was 'particularly dark and scary", I ventured down there (in broad daylight, of course, the coward!) and realized that: A) It was potentially dark and scary. B) There was indeed an actual streetlight present. Given that this was during the day, I made a mental note to see if the light came on and to determine if this was indeed a real crisis or just some manufactured 'situation' that the citizens come up with from time to time to have someplace to hang their 'town-hating' hats on" he said wearily. "But in this case we did indeed have a problem so I threw the full weight and prestige of the "Office of Mayor" into getting the problem resolved - with all due dispatch, needless to say" he said.

"After contacting the proper authorities about the troublesome illumination device, and with my curiosity now being peaked, I made any number of discrete and clandestine neighborhood inquiries, of course - and much to my horror, a vast majority of the interviewees had never noticed that the Town even had a streetlight there - and the ones that did in fact know that a big, shiny, 30-foot-tall aluminum pole with an over-sized light protruding at right angles from the top of it (standing all by itself right by the sidewalk, plain as day, for goodness sake!) was situated at that intersection - these observant and eagle-eyed souls reported that it had been out for what consensus agreed was "several years, at least!" said the amazed and saddened public servant. (there was even a 'Lost Cat' flyer on the pole itself - placed there by one of the families that "didn't know the streetlight was even there"!) When asked why they did not report this outage, the universal responses (from the observant minority!) were to the effect of 'I thought someone else would call' or 'doesn't the Town have someone who checks that sort of thing?' (Lamont has one salaried part-time employee, for Pete's sake!) So, the Mayor, being at a loss as to how to get citizens involved in the basic functioning of the Town - at least as it pertains to their own personal safety and comfort, has vowed to make 'commando type' sorties under the cover of darkness (if some intrepid soul agrees to go with him! Preferably someone beefy and slow-of-foot yet manifestly skilled in the martial arts!) to see if there is indeed light shining into the darkness of the 2nd smallest (and one of the best lit - when our streetlights work!) towns in the Great State of Washington.

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