In what only the overly-skeptical and/or ill-informed would term a coincidence (or to use the local parlance "co-winky-dink') or random occurrence, the Town of Lamont received a major boost this week when Shellie Courneya, one of the smartest and most capable citizens (in a Town not universally renowned for such traits - contrary to our own self-perception) was 'sworn in' on the Council and was thus able to participate in the new 'Community Services Grant' acceptance procedure that the Town was finally able to conduct - after more than a dozen years of trying by various outside individuals and organizations - although the Town (with Century West Engineering doing most of the heavy lifting!!) was successful in the first cycle, not that we are bragging or nothing! HA! It is sweet, though! (we all recognize that all good gifts come from the Lord and He has been unusually generous with this little Town in the Palouse!)"Well, let's just say that Shellie is a very welcome addition to the Town's governing team" said the visibly relieved and obviously jubilant Mayor with outrageous levels of understatement and verbal 'down-play'. "The key to any town's success is having a Council that can grab their rear-ends with both hands (shockingly, 72% of town Councils in WA fail this simple test, however! - and the failure rate in Idaho and Oregon is (tragically) well over 90%!) - and Lamont has been blessed and continues to be blessed in this regard." (With only 100 people, if you subtract the kids, the felons, the non-voters and the ones universally understood to be electable only after 'hell freezes over' - then Lamont is truly blessed to have such a robust talent pool on the Council!) "Anyway!!" (Yes, that was another shameless plug from the Lamont blog!)
"We have had our eye on Shellie for many years and were finally able to convince her to serve (thru a rare mixture of impassioned pleading; shameless, tear-filled begging; shockingly complex and nuanced guilt mechanisms; and stalwart, passionate calls laced with patriotic fervor not seen since the start of WWII!) and the Town is now set to thrive and survive a little while longer. (Side note: In fact, none of these largely embarrassing, Mayor-inspired, emotional gyrations had the least effect on her - she just has a generous heart and 'can-do' spirit and is just the sort of person to step up when her neighbors need her!) We are just so darned tickled pink, and how!" he gushed, mangling the English language in general and basic sentence structure in particular! "The very fact that fine citizens like Shellie will step up to serve a cause greater than themselves, just for the good of it, with no desire for personal enrichment or fame, says volumes about this great nation in general and the 2nd smallest Town in the State in particular. Things just might work out okay in the 'Good Old USA', after all! We have to start somewhere, don't we?' he sniffed, wiping away a tear of hope and relief before blowing his nose in a red, white and blue hanky given to him by Ronald Reagan's brother-in-law or something - thus making it one of the Town's most cherished patriotic relics along with a 'big stick' once carried by Teddy Roosevelt (it is still unknown if he was 'walking softly' at the time he carried it, however!)
Shellie, when she is not saving small towns from the greedy clutches of chaos and mayhem, is also a much loved "Jack-of-all-trades' at the well-above average Lamont Middle School where she applies her quite considerable talents to preparing regionally renowned school meals (the shameless gluttons, I mean eager-to-learn students, cannot get enough of her quite remarkable cooking and often lament moving to the area High School because her food is so darn good!) (on several occasions the Town has had to put down fermenting, advancement-related rebellions by rampaging students - although, ironically, there has never been a hint of a protest hunger strike at the Lamont Middle School - which says volumes about how smart our kids are!)
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