Dec 13, 2009

'Social Upstart' Town Of Lamont Embraces 'Latest' Modern Musical Phenomenon

In a bolstering testimony to the argument that social sophistication has no direct relation to population size (or lack thereof!), Lamont, WA, the 2nd smallest Town in the state, stunned the so-called 'cultural elite' by embracing a musical genre deemed to be 'way out of their league' by the fussy, snooty, supposedly refined people that decide those sort of things. Lamont, forever on the cutting edge of the American cultural roller-coaster, took only weeks to throw its full support behind and to fully embrace a way of life known simply as 'Polka'. "Well, when I learned about Lamont's rapid adoption of anything new - let alone a whole new type of music, needless to say, you could have knocked me over with a feather" said Her Ladyship Erma Louise Leadbottom, an area socialite, cultural gate-keeper, general busy-body and unrepentant pretentious snob of the first order. (yes, and she uses the word 'darling' all the time, too!) "Now, I could see Lamont embracing a primitive, hand-made drum or 'tom-tom' or maybe even some crude flute-like instrument made out of a reed or something (Lamont has plenty of those down by the mosquito swamp! See previous articles on Lamont's unique mosquito problem!) - but to have them embrace the richness and beauty of polka - and to do it so quickly does indeed tell me that maybe there is more to Lamont than meets the eye! That just gives me hope for other small towns as they attempt to make the jump to cultural excellence where me and all my friends have dwelt so smugly for years. Its nice to see that people can learn - and when they learn - they want to be more like the self-appointed sophisticated set - of which I am the Queen Bee" she said haughtily. "Sure, polka is just a first step - but it is an important one - and Lamont seems to have embraced it with genuine verve and gusto" she concluded while sipping tea with her pinky sticking out. (with chipped, pearl-colored nail polish hastily applied on the ragged, bitten nail!)

"Well, if ever a Town loved to 'boogie', it's the dadburn Town of Lamont!" said the still-gyrating Mayor while snapping his fingers completely out of rhythm with the music. "People think small towns like Lamont are behind the times socially and culturally, but just the very fact that we so eagerly adopted the latest global music/dance craze, Polka, in a timely fashion, should put this slanderous mischaracterization to rest once and for all!" he said proudly. "Sure, many of the local residents can directly trace their roots back to lowly peasant stock lost somewhere in the snowy wastes of Eastern Europe or Siberia or wherever, so maybe there is a genetic component to music appreciation after all, given that that is where this almost magical modern musical wonder originates from! Who knows! All I know is that I need to get back out there on the dance floor and 'bust another move'... That accordion just brings out the 'Patrick Swayze' in me!" said the lederhosen-clad public servant while shamelessly flexing his shockingly exposed calf muscles for the benefit of the skirt-clad, fluffy-sleeved, big-haired, brightly-colored (not to mention decidedly underwhelmed!) ladies in attendance. (only the unescorted ones, of course!)

(Editorial Note: Sadly, what the Mayor so casually calls "busting a move' is in fact an unsettling mixture of one part traditional ritualized polka dancing and one part indigenous "Rump Shaker" - a disturbing 'so called' dance move unique to the Palouse. Needless to say, this unsettling hybrid is not only disturbing on any number of levels but is also not sanctioned by either the National Polka Association (NPA) or the lowly Town of Lamont. Viewer discretion is advised!)

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