Jun 26, 2010

Local Nerd Ostracized By Regional Geek Community Because Lamont Lack's High Speed Internet Access

As if the formative teen years are not hard enough, a rare area nerd has experienced discrimination (wasn't accepted to the chess club), faced taunts (being labeled 'Dial-up Boy) and has felt the sting of isolation (being passed over for Friday night 'Dungeons and Dragons' role playing sessions on the computer) all because the 2nd smallest town in the State is, technologically speaking, (and in almost every other way!!) still caught in the death-like grip of the Dark Ages and is forced to interface with the global community via a technology that was developed around the year 1960. (Ironically, Lamont still has the same dadburn hairstyles from that era, too!) This nerd, Preston Snopes, although from farmer/rancher stock and actually raised on a ranch by real-life ranchers, (Is there such a thing as a definitive 'real rancher'?) somehow ended up being good at math and science, enjoys learning and using the computer and even plans, although this is hard to believe, on attending college at a State university where even more of these cultural anomalies tend to congregate and feed off of each other. In spite of Preston's obvious differences and peculiarities from the typical "Local stock', he has unfortunately been unable to make a complete metamorphosis into full fledged 'Geek-dom' because his potential geek peers refuse to accept anyone who must communicate with them via a 56K modem - although in Lamont normal dial-up speeds seldom reach over 42K, doggone it. "Oh, my life stinks!" said the downtrodden Preston as he gazed out over his new laptop (with all its potential!) at his two brothers (And those 'less nerdy' brothers will eventually inherit the ranch! Oh, when will this decades-old pattern ever be broken and the dumb ones leave Lamont and the smart ones stay here? Just think how that would change things in the 'body politic'!!!) playing endless rounds of 'pull my finger' out by the tractor shed. "I just don't seem to fit in anywhere! On the one hand, I get ribbed at the dinner table because I don't spend all my time staring at the business end of a cow, practicing the lasso and I like to read and learn and all - and on the other hand, the kids that are most like me won't have anything to do with me because their preferred mode of communication is decades ahead of Lamont's paltry infrastructure! I just can't win...!! How can I be a geek in one world and a total hick in the other? Things like that can only happen in Lamont, doggone it!" he said sagely, pointing out only one of the many various dichotomies that Lamont presents to the world at large (Try being the doggone mayor!!! Oh, the Greater Lamont Metropolitan Area makes 'Alice in Wonderland' look like a boring reality show!) "Anyway, when I go to college next year I hope I can get into the 'Geek Dorm' where I can immerse myself in a more progressive social and technological setting and where I can hopefully catch up on all the years I spent in this backward although extremely well managed hole" he concluded, drawing a mental 'high five' from at least one elected official in the Town!

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