Town Property Values Soar After Doggone Mayor Finally Mows His Dadburn Grass!

In a rare insight into the ever illusive concept of 'perceived value' as it relates to the very foundation of Western Capitalism itself, the often misunderstood yet decidedly demanding elemental force of 'Supply and Demand' was awakened from a long slumber in Lamont when the entire town became instantly richer (on paper, anyway!) when word leaked out at the Exchanges in Chicago and New York that the Mayor finally got off of his dead rear end and mowed his doggone yard, for crying out loud. The Mayor's yard, unfortunately situated across the street from the town's only park, (Thank goodness that we don't have a fancy fairgrounds like that doggone Rockford!) is thus an integral part of the town's overall ambiance and when left untended, as seems to be the case this year, the entire town takes on an even more run down and 'ill-kept' appearance, thus dragging the whole darn place even closer to a net value of zero. (can a town ever be worth less than zero?) The Mayor's neighbors (2 of them, anyway) keep surprisingly neat and well tended yards and have been dropping ever less subtle hints on the sad state of the Mayor's devotion to yard maintenance. "Well, I finally just had to ask him if he was raising tigers in there or something!" said an unnamed neighbor who unfortunately lives right next door. "And it is not like his yard is that big, either. I had to go ask him a question after a brief rain, and by the time I made it from my house to his I was soaked from the waist down and my new boots showed signs of being gnawed on by predators, for crying out loud. I mean, how hard is it to push a lawnmower from time to time" he fumed! "Oh, no wonder little towns like Lamont have such a hard time attracting new people and businesses! (Businesses? What are those???) If the doggone Mayor cannot set even the most basic of examples, how is anyone else supposed to follow - regardless of how half-heartedly!" said the smarty-pants! "I would have offered to mow it for him but I am afraid to go in there, for crying out loud!" said the big, lazy sissy!