Jan 10, 2011

WA State Hopes Dashed After It Is Learned That Only The Former Mayor, Not the Entire Town Of Lamont, Is Moving To New Mexico

Flags were lowered to half mast across the Great State of Washington after it was learned that some overly exuberant employee within the modest yet normally highly efficient State government apparatus quite incorrectly reported to the power elite in Olympia that that constant burr under the State's saddle, the annoyingly laggardly and self-destructive Town of Lamont, was miraculously packing up 'lock, stock and barrel" and moving to the now unfortunate Land of Enchantment - also known as the Great State of New Mexico! "What the? Whoa! You mean Lamont is NOT moving to another state? Heads will roll! How can such an error of this magnitude ever happen - with all of the subsequent hopes that were raised to a fever pitch not seen since we won WWII or the Seahawks got into the Super Bowl a few years back?" said an unnamed State Cabinet official. "Dang it all, we had a huge party planned at the Governor's Mansion - and I made sure that there would be those spicy little chicken wing things I like so much! But now, not only do I not get my favorite finger food, but we are still stuck with Lamont? Oh, this is a dark day for the State of Washington, indeed! Someone is losing their job over this screw-up! Oh, talk about snatching defeat out of the slathering jaws of victory, for crying out loud! Why do we have to be the State that has Lamont? What did we ever do to deserve that? I mean, come on!" he raved with legislative wrath and gubernatorial fury!

"Oh, thank the Good Lord!!" said a high ranking New Mexico State government official rumored to be close to the Governor. "The minute we were contacted by the Homeland Security 'Undesirable Element' Division that the whole, doggone, decidedly dysfunctional Town of Lamont was moving to New Mexico, we immediately contemplated mobilizing the National Guard and/or changing our road signs in the hopes that Lamont would continue on thru our State and somehow end up in Texas or Old Mexico or whatever! (Talk about an international incident!!) I mean, it is bad enough that we are getting that former mayor of theirs, (well, that is a good point!) but the whole dern Town would have been more than this State could easily stomach. So, this is a banner day for the Great State of New Mexico! The Lord has smiled on us this day! Oh, talk about dodging the dysfunction bullet! Praise the Lord!" he beamed enthusiastically with arms outstretched to the heavens!! "Oh yeah, and in your face, Washington! You created that little problem up there, so you are the ones who need to deal with it and stop trying to pawn it off on other States!" he concluded while 'high-fiving' a handy lobbyist or whatever.

(Editorial Note: For the record, the GLMA (Greater Lamont Metropolitan Area), an area filled with supposedly handy 'farm/ranch types', has been unable to muster the organizational fortitude in over 100 years (can you believe that?) to put in a simple flush toilet and never managed to paint their one, single, solitary building in over 60 years (sad but true!), so if anyone assumes that the Town of Lamont, long known for flubbing up just about everything they ever touched, could somehow organize an official move to another state just does not understand the historical incompetence that has affected Lamont like some sort of 'municipal and organizational bubonic plague' or whatever. So, all you States (Idaho in particular!) that are worried that Lamont might show up on your doorstep, banjo in hand, can rest easier. The organizational skills needed to make that happen do not now nor have they ever existed, although we have a great new mayor who might be able to swing something, should the fancy strike him. Thank you!)

1 comment:

Erica said...

Ah, former mayor---we hardly knew ye.....