Feb 18, 2009

Local Farmer Just Wishes Area Birds Would "Shut Up, Already!"

Although Spring is still officially any number of weeks away, The Town of Lamont has been inundated with an unusually large number of happy, chipper, energetic birds that seemed to materialize out of nowhere and who, according to some, are making "one heck of a burdensome racket, for Pete's sake!". The birds, a diverse and impressive mixture that would make even a jaded Audubon Society veteran perk up and take notice, are just happy to be in the lush surroundings of Lamont and are thankful to be no longer freezing their "beaks off" after what was, by all standards, a very cold winter indeed.

'Well, the wife and I appreciate nature as much as the next farmer/rancher family who view all living things as a means to an end in making a living, but do those darn birds have to be so happy and boisterous at 4:30 AM?" said Clem Bodine, an area farmer/rancher. "I mean come on. I remember what it was like to be young and frisky and to feel the unbridled promise of a new Spring coursing thru my veins like boiling lava from one of them fancy volcanoes in Hawaii that I always promised the wife I would take her to if she always kept the barn good and clean but somehow never got around to. The wife even kids me about my friskiness to this day, although I am not sure that is a good thing, come to think of it. But I don't remember having to make so much gosh-darn awful racket about it!" said Bodine.

"Being farmers, we don't see the cost benefit of having cats, heck, we barely had kids for that same reason - given the cost of food and all, but almost free labor is almost free labor - especially after we taught them to hunt and gather herbs and roots and to pretty much live off the land - but having a gaggle of cats would sure come in handy right about now. But I just can't justify the unwarranted expense of feeding them when all I want is a little peace and quiet. My Federal farm subsidies for not planting anything only go so far! I work hard for that money" he moaned. "Too bad roving packs of cats don't migrate at the same time as the birds - like wolves following the caribou herds. Then I would not have to feed them and I could be done with the birds, too. Life is filled with much unfairness" he said. When asked of her views on the subject, the blushing bride, Betsy Bodine, had no comment because she said you can't never trust them reporter types and if they had any manners they would call before coming over so she could have put on her Sunday best.

1 comment:

Just Another Scottish Pirate Effacing Reporters (JASPER) said...

Drat! Nothing good about them scurvy reporters! Especially if they work in lower Whitman County! They don't understand us Highlanders! Now be quick and throw me another bowl of that haggis. Arr! [That's right, we're all Scottish pirates up here.]