Lamont Somehow Staggers Through A Council Meeting With Both A Sheriff's Deputy and Newspaper Reporter In Attendance

Although under normal circumstances the humble yet decidedly wayward Town of Lamont would feel like a 3-legged field mouse trapped between a hungry, highly motivated cat and an over achieving (one dares not say yappy!) mouse-hating terrier of some kind; the decidedly bewildered and continually upward moving 2nd smallest Town in the State somehow survived this hideous 'trial by fire' without anyone being arrested or making the front page thru some outrageous feat of absurdity or tomfoolery that, unfortunately for us, seems to be all too common these days. "Well, when I got word that both the Sheriff's Department and a top-notch reporter from the Whitman County Gazette were going to be attending the meeting at the same time, my mind naturally took to decidedly paranoid wings of fancy and I dreamed up any number of citizen inspired ambush scenarios or other hideous life-dramas that would somehow make it as the feature of some doggone Geraldo Rivera special or whatever!" said the relieved Mayor after successfully making it to his home (and changing his doggone shorts, for Pete's sake!). "I mean, when you are a Mayor of a small town in Eastern Washington, you pretty much learn to endure just about any outrage or travesty of human beastliness, but if this job has taught me anything, it is that there is no such thing as a dadburn coincidence!" he stammered on annoyingly like Rocky Balboa after getting smacked around by that huge Russian dude in whatever "Rocky" movie that was.

"Anyway, another contributing factor to my overwhelming (although decidedly warranted!) paranoia centered on the fact that a significant segment of the area population spends an inordinate amount of time actually plotting the downfall of the Town (under the banner of saving it, or so they tell each other over and over! Talk about a stereotypical echo chamber!), to say nothing of bushwhacking the Mayor, and these quite considerable energies could bear their wicked fruit at some point, regardless of how bitter the taste might be for all concerned" he droned on philosophically. "I mean, if some people would just remain neutral or maybe even pitch in a little instead of always attempting some outrageous 'gotcha moment' we might even be the 3rd smallest Town in the State by now! But NO!!! And a good chunk of these folks do not even live here, for Pete's sake!" he whined. "That just doesn't make any sense to me! So yeah, when I heard that two of the pillars of our humble little northwest Palouse universe (okay, Lamont is in a pretty small universe, although we do, however, love the Sheriff and the Gazette and the Lamont Grain Growers!) were making an appearance at our monthly meeting, naturally I was a little concerned and steeled myself for the worst. Never underestimate the pent-up devilry of a bunch of 'do-nothing' gripers, I always say!" he said sagely, finally making some sense! (Editorial Note: One always has to watch out for those folks who will claim a town as their own but refuse to live directly in it!)

Although on the surface the commingling of ominous outside forces (the Gazette and the Sheriff) did seem like it just might be some foreshadowing to a disgusting passion play (and oh, who loves drama more than Lamont?) of quite unnecessary 'Lamont bashing' orchestrated by that segment of the citizenry that wants the Town to stay firmly mired in the 18th century (you would be surprised if you knew who these people actually were!), the attendance of the extremely sharp Deputy (actually he is a Sergeant!) and the very talented and clever reporter was in fact just a random occurrence, thus knocking the stuffing out of the Mayor's quite hokey and unsubstantiated 'No Coincidence Theory' once and for all. "Well, if a broken clock can tell the right time twice a day, then I guess I am entitled to be wrong once in a blue moon!" he blathered on defensively, making absolutely no sense whatsoever! (like that is new!) And the Mayor, never known for being handy in the kitchen, actually made a lame attempt at appeasement and baked what he quite casually referred to as 'oatmeal cookies' for the meeting - although the texture was all wrong and there was about 10 times too much 'Allspice' added to the dough. (Editorial Note: We would like to apologize for any and all gastro-intestinal or digestive incongruities that might have resulted from consuming these so-called 'cookies'- and would remind these unfortunate individuals that that was a personal offering that had nothing whatsoever to do with the Town itself - i.e. Don't blame us - blame him! I mean, who puts that much allspice in oatmeal cookies, anyway? Something is just not right there!)